Nine days ago, I started blogging everyday because I wanted to practice writing more freely and spontaneously. At the same time, I also challenged myself to share my posts on my personal Facebook page because I hold myself back from sharing with people I know. I want to get out of my comfort zone. I managed to share 6 out of 8 posts, which was pretty good for me. But I have to admit that it took a lot of mental/emotional energy and now I'd like to curl up into a ball and protect my sensitive side.
I received positive encouragement for sharing my posts but I'm not accustomed to much attention so it feels uncomfortable. I felt misunderstood by one extrovert and ignored by some of the people I care about most. I was also dealing with my usual self-doubting internal dialog - wondering whether people think I'm boring, self-centered, weird or whatever. Processing all of these emotions was exhausting.
I remember reading once that introverts withdraw even more when stressed. I know that is true for me. In Why Do Sensitive Introverts Withdraw, Brenda Knowles expresses my emotional patterns so well.
Sensitive introverts need safe spaces in order to engage. The less safe and more vulnerable an introvert feels, the less they tend to share. We need to feel especially secure and confident before revealing our personal thoughts. Critical and judgmental people will push us further into ourselves.
Even if I'm not facing critical or judgmental people, if someone misinterprets my point, it discourages me from wanting to say anything at all.
I am trying to be authentic which means not constantly censoring myself. I don't want to fear being exposed for who I really am. Who I am is good enough. But at least for today or however long it takes to restore my inner calm, I'm an armadillo.
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