Adding More Good Fruit to My Faith

When Jesus was asked to name the greatest commandment, he replied: "'Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.' This is the first and greatest commandment. And the second is like it: 'Love your neighbor as yourself.' All the Law and the Prophets hang on these two commandments." In Jesus' response, I find my purpose in life - loving God with all my being and loving others as Jesus teaches me to love. But the greatest commandments are difficult and I need guidance to follow them.

Jesus Teaches About the Vine and the Branches (John 15: 1-2, 5) 

Jesus used several agricultural parables in his teaching. The one about the vine and the branches teaches me about how important it is to remain in Jesus - grafted into his body.

I am the true vine, and my Father is the gardener. He cuts off every branch in me that bears no fruit, while every branch that does bear fruit, he prunes so that it will be even more fruitful. I am the vine; you are the branches. If you remain in me and I in you, you will bear much fruit; apart from me you can do nothing.  

I have often worried about failing God because I have not been a great "fisher of men." But I think there is more to this fruit analogy than soul winning. God is glorified if I abide by Jesus' command to love others as he loves me. I also take comfort in his promise that if you "remain in me" you will bear much fruit. And I feel truly grateful that Jesus chose me to be a branch. But what is this fruit that Jesus wants me to produce?

Spiritual Fruit (Galatians 5:22-23)

The apostle Paul wrote that the fruit of the spirit is love, joy, peace, forbearance (patience), kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness (humility) and self-control (temperance). Love is listed first and foremost. The other spiritual fruits flow from love. 

When I first considered the words Paul listed after love, I found myself making random word associations. For example, joy and peace remind me of the Christmas spirit. Joy to the World. Peace on Earth. Kindness makes me think of specific caring people but it also makes me think of "random acts of kindness." The word goodness is a tough one because it is used so casually as a substitute for God. Oh my goodness! For goodness sake! When I think of the word patience, I am frustrated that I don't have more of it. The word faithfulness naturally brings to mind marital fidelity but the word means being steadfast, dependable and worthy of trust in any relationship.

My seemingly random walk through Paul’s list even took me to Sesame Street. I thought to myself, One Of These Things (is Not Like The Others), one of these things does not belong. What does self-control have in common with joy and peace or kindness and goodness? I was thinking of self-discipline over the body, of resisting temptations of the flesh. But exercising control over my emotions and desires, especially in difficult situations, is a reflection of love. Exercising control of the tongue is an act of love. Being patient is an act of love.

What general observations can I make about spiritual fruit? Fruit of the spirit is not seasonal; it is an eternal gift of salvation. Spiritual fruit does not produce random acts of goodness but intentional acts of love. Fruit of the spirit is powerful. To anyone who has ever been hurt by an unkind word or uplifted by kindness, the power of love is obvious. Finally, spiritual fruit must be nurtured so we can be productive and effective Christians.

  

Adding More Spiritual Fruit to My Faith

Peter wrote that Jesus has given us everything we need for a godly life but we should strive to produce more good fruit (2 Peter 1:5-8).

For this very reason, make very effort to add to your faith goodness; and to goodness, knowledge; and to knowledge, self-control, and to self-control, perseverance; and to perseverance, godliness; and to godliness, mutual affection; and to mutual affection, love. For if you possess these qualities in increasing measure, they will keep you from being ineffective and unproductive in your knowledge of our Lord Jesus Christ.

In another letter (1 Corinthians 13), Paul emphasized that love is the most important fruit. No matter what you accomplish in this life, if you do not have love, you are nothing. No matter what you possess in this world, if you do not have love, you gain nothing. Paul described love like this:

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

In this beautifully written description, love stands in stark contrast to the desires of the self. I decided to describe the other fruit of the spirit in the same way, though my descriptions are certainly not as eloquent as Paul’s. Each paragraph is an affirmation that the fruit of the spirit is an expression of love. What does it not do? What does it always do?

Love is joy; love is gladness. It does not despair, it does not complain, it is not sad. It is not depressed, it is not ungrateful, it is not easily discouraged. It keeps no record of disappointments. Love does not dwell on past regrets but looks ahead with hope. It always delights, always rejoices, always praises.

Love is peace; love is serenity. It does not fight, it does not cause discord, it is not argumentative. It does not cause dissension, it is not belligerent, it is not easily angered. Love does not delight in strife but promotes goodwill. It always pacifies, always restores, always mediates.

Love is kindness; love is compassion. It is not harsh, it is not cruel, it is not condescending. It does not disrespect, it does not insult, it does not ignore the needs of others. It always welcomes, always gives from the heart, always shows mercy.

Love is patience; love is forbearance. It does not quit, it is not easily provoked, it is not obstinate. It is not exhaustible, it is not easily frustrated, it does not fail. It always perseveres, always endures, always persists.

Love is goodness; love is morality. It does not deceive, it does not steal, it does  not cheat. It is not greedy, it is not unfair, it does not cause harm. It is always just, always righteous, always pure.

Love is faithfulness; love is devotion. It does not break promises, it does not betray trust, it is not disloyal. It does not dishonor its commitments, it is not insincere, it does not lack integrity. It is always loyal, always trustworthy, always true.

Love is humility; love is modesty. It is not arrogant, it is not proud, it does not condescend. It is not pretentious, it is not haughty, it is not pious. It is always willing to serve others, always eager to submit to God's will.

Love is temperance; love is fortitude. It is not greedy, it is not self-indulgent, it is not easily tempted. It is not profane, it is not impulsive, it not weak. It always abstains from excess, always exercises restraint, always practices moderation - especially in matters of the heart.

Behaviors, thoughts and attitudes that are inconsistent with the fruit of the spirit prevent me from loving others as Jesus commanded. So I pray, dear God that you will test me and show me the offensive ways in me. Prune me so that I will be more fruitful. Add to my faith even more fruit of the spirit.

Spiritual Gifts and the Introvert

According to the New Testament, the Holy Spirit endows each believer with spiritual gifts so that we can build the church, grow in our faith and bring glory to God. Each of us has different gifts or different functions and is an important part of the body of Christ. I have read these scriptures many times but until now have not paused to consider what my spiritual gifts might be or how I might use them.

Several years ago, the women’s ministry at my church gave me a Uniquely You Profile booklet, by Mels Carbonell, Ph.D. The booklet included a spiritual gifts questionnaire, a DiSC personality questionnaire to help you recognize the influence of your behavioral tendencies, and suggestions on how to use your spiritual gifts in church ministry.

The DiSC model of human behavior describes personality a bit differently than the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator with which I am familiar. The letters stand for Dominant, Inspiring, Cautious and Supportive and for other adjectives that conveniently begin with the same letters. Some prefer the DiSC model because it is more simplistic (and probably easier to teach and/or sell). There are four traits in the DiSC model instead of the eight traits of MBTI. Whether you describe human behavior based on how people-oriented and task-oriented people are (DiSC) or based on how they are energized, respond to their environment and make decisions (MBTI), personality assessments are useful in understanding our inclinations and motivations.

When I considered what my spiritual gifts might be, I felt discouraged and put the profile aside without finishing it. With my introverted personality, a “C/S” blend in the DiSC profile, it seemed as if I had nothing to offer, certainly not the greatest, most desirable gifts like preaching the gospel or evangelizing. Speaking to people I don't know is intimidating. I am most comfortable serving behind the scenes. And Carbonell said that Cautious types like me often have much wisdom but little "personality".

Last year, my small group studied the book of Romans using the Deepening Life Together bible study, which included a couple of pages on spiritual gifts. This gave me a bit of insight into my gifts so I finally completed the Uniquely You Profile that I had put aside years ago. Although I found some questions a bit biased towards extroverts, my answers confirmed my self-observations. I also read the scriptures and came away with a deeper understanding of how God shapes believers to use our spiritual gifts.

Spiritual Gift	Scripture Reference
Administration/Ruling	1 Corinthians 12
Apostleship	1 Corinthians 12
Discernment	1 Corinthians 12
Faith	1 Corinthians 12
Wisdom	1 Corinthians 12
Knowledge	1 Corinthians 12
Evangelism	Ephesians 4
Teaching	Ephesians 4
Pastoring/Shepherding	Ephesians 4
Encouragement	Romans 12
Giving	Romans 12
Leadership	Romans 12
Mercy	Romans 12
Preaching	Romans 12
Service	Romans 12
Hospitality	1 Peter 4: 9-10

Be Yourself, Only Better

The author of the Uniquely You booklet said "Remember, there is no bad personality. We need to accept the way we and others naturally respond as unique traits." I agree with that, however Carbonell's advice contradicts these assertions. If you are not naturally outgoing, he says you "need" to be. If you are passive with respect to task-orientation, in other words if you're not the dominant, demanding type, he says you "need" to be more aggressive.

There are certainly times when you should set aside your natural behavior, for example, to speak up when you are naturally quiet or to stop talking and listen if you are naturally chatty. But for the most part, we should be true to who we were made to be because there are some really good reasons we are not all the same. However, we should also be aware of our weaknesses and challenge ourselves to overcome them. For me, this has meant learning, with God's help, to be less judgmental, less fearful, more positive and encouraging.

The truth is, we all have lots of personality, we just express ourselves and use our talents differently. If your natural inclination is to be inwardly focused and reserved, don't let anyone tell you that you "need" to be fixed. It took me nearly fifty years to figure out that there are advantages to being an introvert just as there are advantages to being an extrovert. I now assertively embrace my uniqueness.

When you compare yourself to others, it is easy to feel discouraged, like you just don’t measure up. But when I consider the intricacy and the purposefulness of God’s design, I believe it is no accident that human beings were made with varied personalities and talents.

Now if the foot should say, "Because I am not a hand, I do not belong to the body," it would not for that reason stop being part of the body. And if the ear should say, "Because I am not an eye, I do not belong to the body," it would not for that reason stop being part of the body. If the whole body were an eye, where would the sense of hearing be? If the whole body were an ear, where would the sense of smell be? But in fact God has placed the parts in the body, every one of them, just as he wanted them to be. If they were all one part, where would the body be? As it is, there are many parts but one body.
1 Corinthians 12:14-19

We should be encouraged because God has a purpose and plan for each of us - even for those of us who find it difficult to talk to or to lead other people. Sometimes God chooses the most unlikely people to do something and when he does he provides the strength to do it.

Be a Servant

In his letter to the church at Philippi, Paul wrote “therefore if you have any encouragement from being united with Christ, if any comfort from his love, if any common sharing in the Spirit, if any tenderness and compassion, then make my joy complete by being like-minded, having the same love, being in one spirit and of one mind. Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather in humility value others above yourselves, not looking to your own interests but each of you to the interests of the others." Paul also wrote that believers should emulate Christ and take on the nature of a servant. Not everyone is gifted to be an evangelist or teacher, but anyone can be a helper.

In my search for a way to serve my church, I have been encouraged by the examples of others, especially the introverts. Every week, I see a quiet, serious-looking usher handing out bulletins and passing the collection plate. My introverted friend bakes for the church and also leads the two-year old class every week with quiet dedication. The pastor who leads the church’s caring ministry is not gregarious and talkative like our senior pastor, but he sensitively counsels those who are hurting.

I found a couple of ways to serve in my church as well. I became a group leader with the AWANA program but stopped volunteering after a couple of years because I really wasn’t gifted at leading boisterous children. It was also too much stimulation for me. Now I help with the toddler class once or twice a month. It has been a great way for me to meet many young families.

Be Transformed

It is important to understand spiritual gifts but it is even more important to use them for God's glory and to save lost souls. I believe that my strongest gifts are faith and discernment. I spend much time in prayer, thought and contemplation – in my head – so these gifts make perfect sense. Faith is my internal source of strength. I've tested and weighed the reasons for my faith yet have not been as courageous in expressing my faith as I should be. I have the ability to discern right from wrong and truth from error and to make wise decisions, yet I seldom share my insights.

What good are my spiritual gifts if I don’t share them? How valuable are these gifts if they are not tested and approved? In Romans 12:2, Paul said “Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is – his good, pleasing and perfect will.”

When I first started writing a few years ago, God opened my eyes to a couple of things. One, He made me examine my motives and goals. I had dreams of writing a novel, of being famous some day. Was this for God’s glory? No, I was conforming to the pattern of this world, seeking treasures here on earth. Now my goal in writing is to make a difference in another person's life - who that someone is I don't know, but God does. I can offer a different perspective and share what Jesus Christ has done for me. Two, I prayed that God would lead me where He wants me to be. He let me know that where I need to be now is right here, working out some spiritual issues. 

I am growing in my faith. God is actively transforming me. He has shown me that even though I do not socialize and speak with the ease of an extrovert, my words can still be used to spread the message of God’s love. I am learning to use my voice. With God's help, I can discern the truth and speak the truth, in love.

The Greatest of These Is Love

One of my favorite passages from the New Testament is First Corinthians, Chapter 13. I once heard these beautiful verses about love recited in a wedding. Though written by the apostle Paul around 55 A.D. to the church in Corinth, these timeless words contain great advice for all relationships. But I want to dig deeper to understand what Paul was trying to teach the believers.

The Way of Love (English Standard Version)

If I speak in the tongues of men and angels, but have not love, I am a noisy gong or a clanging cymbal. And if I have prophetic powers, and understand all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have all faith, so as to remove mountains, but have not love, I am nothing. If I give away all I have, and if I deliver my body to be burned, but have not love, I gain nothing.

Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices in the truth. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.

Love never ends. As for prophecies, they will pass away; as for tongues, they will cease; as for knowledge, it will pass away. For we know in part and we prophesy in part, but when the perfect comes, the partial will pass away. When I was a child, I spoke like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I gave up childish ways. For now we see in a mirror dimly, but then face to face. Now I know if part; then I shall know fully, even as I have been fully known.

So now faith, hope, and love abide, these three; but the greatest of these is love.

To put the first paragraph in context, in the preceding passage in chapter 12, Paul spoke about spiritual gifts and how each member of the church, regardless of his or her gifts, was an important member of the body of Christ. So Paul was not writing about romantic love but about agape, a selfless kind of love for other people. Above all, it is not a self-centered kind of love. Yet, so many virtues and blessings flow from it - patience, kindness, gentleness, humility, forgiveness, peace and joy. This kind of love is perfect because God is its source. God is love. God is patient and kind. God forgives, God protects.

Paul wanted the believers to know that this kind of love is so important that its absence renders a person's spiritual gifts meaningless. The Spirit gives to some the gift of wisdom, to others knowledge, to others the ability to heal, etc. Today, just as back then, we observe people who are religious, yet clearly lack love for their fellow man. Their words and actions betray the selfish motivations of their hearts. Their words are hollow, their voices are like clanging cymbals or nails on a chalkboard. Their gifts mean nothing.

To secularize this teaching, many talented people use their gifts to achieve great fame and/or wealth. Yet some of them use their gifts selfishly; their lives are an endless quest for self indulgence and attention. Even if we do good with our gifts, if our hearts are not right towards our fellow man, our good deeds lack meaning. If we act out of selfish motivations, we have gained nothing spiritually. The world sees our actions, but God sees the heart.

Agape, this selfless kind of love, is difficult to practice. I know that I should be kind and patient and polite and forgiving and grateful but too often, I fail to be what I know I should be. Why? Because my self-centered nature keeps rearing its ugly head. It tells me that no one should make me wait, no one should annoy me. It tells me that I deserve this or that. It tells me that it, this life, is all about me! How wrong I am! How wretched!

So I find this law at work: Although I want to do good, evil is right there with me. For in my inner being I delight in God's law; but I see another law at work in me, waging war against the law of my mind and making me a prisoner of the law of sin at work within me. What a wretched man I am! Who will rescue me from this body that is subject to death? Thanks be to God, who delivers me through Jesus Christ our Lord!  - Romans 7:21-25

Learning to understand and practice the kind of enduring, selfless love that Paul described requires spiritual growth. At first you think like a child, but when you mature spiritually, you give up your childish ways, your selfish ways. Jesus is my rescuer and my teacher as I battle with my selfish nature, as I strive to become the loving person he wants me to be. He said: "I am the vine; you are the branches. If you remain in me and I in you, you will bear much fruit; apart from me, you can do nothing." 

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Yes, where all else fails, faith, hope and love endure. Lord, Your Love is a light in the darkness. I pray that your love will abound in me. Where there is hatred, let me sow love; where there is doubt, faith; where there is injury, forgiveness; where there is despair, hope; where there is sadness, joy; where there is darkness, light. Amen.

Letting Go of My Tragedian

I recently read The Great Divorce, C S Lewis' allegorical tale about heaven and hell. This timeless classic gave me much food for thought in my spiritual journey. The story takes place in the outskirts of heaven, a place called the Valley of the Shadow of Life. The setting was interesting enough but I was most impacted by the characters and the spiritual struggles they faced.

The characters are Ghosts and Solid Ones. Upon death, the Ghosts are sent to a miserable hell the narrator called "grey town." The grey town was a place with mean streets and perpetual twilight, where the Ghosts continually quarrel and move farther and farther apart from each other. After wandering for hours, the narrator, who does not yet know that he is a ghost, gets on a bus that takes the passengers on an excursion to the Valley of the Shadow of Life. There they are met by Solid Ones, the spirits of people who have been saved. The Solid Ones try to help the Ghosts see that they need to let go of the false things they clung to in life.

The Ghosts remind me of people today. A woman who was bent on changing her husband into her image of a successful person. A mother with a twisted, obsessive love of her son. A man who pursues art for art's sake - not really appreciating the objects of his art. A man convinced that he had done nothing wrong in life and that he earned the right to be in heaven. A woman so fixated on her sexuality that she doesn't realize she is no longer attractive to other beings. An apostate who cared more about the intellectual exercise of religion than about finding the truth.

The most powerful character for me was the Dwarf Ghost and the Tragedian - yes, one character with two parts. The Dwarf Ghost, the soul of the person who passed away, was chained to a tall, skinny man who resembled a "seedy actor." This actor, the Tragedian, did most of the speaking for the Dwarf Ghost. The Solid One who met the Dwarf Ghost/Tragedian was Sarah Smith. She directed all of her words and attention to the Dwarf, who was her husband on earth, Frank. We learn from Sarah that Frank was a miserable man who didn't want other people to be happy. He sulked. He used pity as "blackmail" to get Sarah and others to bend to his will.

The Tragedian complains about how Sarah took Frank for granted in life. He complains that he is not needed, not wanted. Sarah urges the Dwarf to let go of his misery, to put the past behind him. "Let go of the chain," she says. "Send it away. Don't you see what nonsense it's talking." The Dwarf almost sees the absurdity of the Tragedian but he is unable to let go of the chain that connects him to this tragic, acting part of himself. Eventually, the Dwarf shrinks in size and appears to be swallowed up by the Tragedian.

While I don't use pity as a weapon against other people, I recognized my own self pity in the Dwarf Ghost character. I have felt chained to a desire for social approval and acceptance. As an introvert, I often feel socially awkward. When I am rejected socially, when I just don't fit in with an extrovert dominant crowd, my tragedian tells me I'm not good enough. She diminishes my esteem and smothers my joy. She tells me to withdraw and avoid the people or situations that make me feel uncomfortable or "less than" the socially idealized extroverts around me.

Many introverts stay in their comfort zone because they aren't sure that they can manage in the "outie world." When they are out and about, they often feel overwhelmed and can't remember their own abilities. They might compare themselves to extroverts and decide they are deficient. They withdraw so they won't feel bad about themselves. Introverts can also get caught up in the idea that is so pervasive in our culture that our personal value is based on what we do - not on who we are. - Marti Olsen Laney, Psy. D., The Introvert Advantage

Innie Me and My Tragedian

I know that it is absurd to hang onto my self-critic. I know that she is talking nonsense. My personal value is not defined by my social skills. I also know that withdrawing from other people to protect myself from rejection is self-defeating behavior. Choosing solitude because I like it - now that's entirely different!

So I choose to look at myself with sober judgment, as the Apostle Paul instructed. Not thinking more of myself than I ought to but not thinking less of myself either. I have learned that comparing myself to other people leads to misery. Being the best introverted person I can be brings me joy.

Humility is not thinking less of yourself, it's thinking of yourself less. - CS Lewis

Many of us struggle with some kind of obsession, compulsion, or temptation that smothers our joy. It may be striving for perfection or to impress people with what we have or what we do. Most of the characters in The Great Divorce stuck with the choices they made in their lives on earth - choices that led to misery. I choose to let go of the chain that has bound me to a false standard of worthiness. God loves me just as I am!

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7/30/2014: 

I have told my inner Tragedian to take a hike, that I'm not going to listen to her anymore. But the truth is, it is hard to make her stay away. It is hard to stop listening to the self criticism in my head. Francesca Battistelli's song Free to be Me says it so well. I'm not perfect and I don't have to be. I'm also not alone. On His shoulders I can see, that I'm free to be me.

'Cause I got a couple dents in my Fender
Got a couple rips in my jeans
Try to fit the pieces together
But perfection is my enemy
And on my own, I'm so clumsy
But on Your shoulders I can see
I'm free to be me

Spirit, Lead Me Where My Trust is Without Borders

I have been praying almost my whole life. Many of my prayers have been answered - for strength in my weakness, comfort in times of distress, hope when things seem really bleak, wisdom in my times of searching for the right answer. I learned a long time ago that my prayers will not always be answered in the ways that I hope. Even though I have faith that God hears my prayers, it is sometimes hard to accept when He does not provide the answer I want. This is especially true when what I want is something good for someone else.

For several years now, I have prayed for a friend who is paying the price for a tragic lapse of judgment. I have prayed for his well-being, his salvation and his freedom. But I have been disappointed that God has not yet transformed his life in the way that I hoped, especially because I know that God has the power to do so.

When you look up "unanswered prayers" on Google, you see a list of links to a Garth Brooks' song. Just because he may not answer, doesn't mean he don't care. Some of God's greatest gifts are unanswered prayers. In God's infinite wisdom, he knows what is best for us. He sees the big picture - we don't.

God's plans are a mystery to me. So I look to myself and question whether I am praying right when my prayers appear to be unanswered. Maybe I'm not praying often enough. Maybe I should get down on my knees instead of just talking to God wherever I am, whenever the Spirit moves me. Maybe I'm praying for the wrong things. Maybe I need to throw more praise into the mix.

The problem with this kind of thinking is that it ignores God's grace. God's grace does not depend on anything I can do. It does not require me to pray perfectly. This thinking also suggests that through my prayers, I can control what God does, when in reality, God is sovereign over all things. So as I look to God for wisdom, his word reminds me of three important things about prayer.

1. Pray faithfully. A faithless response to seemingly unanswered prayers would be to stop praying. I have faith that God hears my prayers. The words of James remind me to pray no matter what my mood is, no matter what the circumstances are. Why? Because the prayers of the righteous are powerful and effective. Even if I don't see the effects now.

The Prayer of Faith (James 5:13-16)

Is anyone among you in trouble? Let them pray. Is anyone happy? Let them sing songs of praise. Is anyone among you sick? Let them call the elders of the church to pray over them and anoint them with oil in the name of the Lord. And the prayer offered in faith will make the sick person well; the Lord will raise them up. If they have sinned, they will be forgiven. Therefore confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous person is powerful and effective.

2. Pray that God's will be done. I have recited the Lord's Prayer so many times that the words do not always register. Yet this familiar prayer, the one that Jesus taught us to pray, has much to say about praying with God's sovereignty in mind. Our Father, who art in heaven, hallowed be thy name. Thy kingdom come, thy will be done, on earth as it is in heaven.

3. Wait patiently. Patience is not my strong suit. I am results-oriented - I want to see the results of my prayers immediately. However, I know that my timeline is not God's timeline. Sometimes He lets us go through trials and tribulations to teach us. When He at last lifts us out of the slimy pit of our misery, he puts a new song in our hearts. We learn to put our trust in Him.

A Psalm of David (Psalm 40:1-3)

I waited patiently for the Lord;
    he turned to me and heard my cry.
 He lifted me out of the slimy pit,
    out of the mud and mire;
he set my feet on a rock
    and gave me a firm place to stand.
 He put a new song in my mouth,
    a hymn of praise to our God.
Many will see and fear the Lord
    and put their trust in him.

Jesus, I call on your name. You've never failed me. My patience has been tested - give me strength to wait longer. My faith is strong - make it stronger. May I not lean on my own understanding but trust your sovereign hand to guide me. Spirit lead me where my trust is without borders. Amen.

Oceans (Where Feet May Fail) *

You call me out upon the waters
The great unknown where feet may fail
And there I find You in the mystery
In oceans deep
My faith will stand

And I will call upon Your name
And keep my eyes above the waves
When oceans rise

My soul will rest in Your embrace
For I am Yours and You are mine

Your grace abounds in deepest waters
Your sovereign hand
Will be my guide
Where feet may fail and fear surrounds me
You've never failed and You won't start now

So I will call upon Your name
And keep my eyes above the waves
When oceans rise
My soul will rest in Your embrace
For I am Yours and You are mine

Spirit lead me where my trust is without borders
Let me walk upon the waters
Wherever You would call me
Take me deeper than my feet could ever wander
And my faith will be made stronger
In the presence of my Savior

* Hillsong United

From Jailhouse to Redemption

And Can it Be That I Should Gain

Long my imprisoned spirit lay,

Fast bound in sin and nature’s night;

Thine eye diffused a quickening ray—
I woke, the dungeon flamed with light;
My chains fell off, my heart was free,
I rose, went forth, and followed Thee.
My chains fell off, my heart was free,

I rose, went forth, and followed Thee.

Recently I watched an interview of Maury Davis, pastor of the Cornerstone Church in Madison, Tennessee. Davis murdered a 54 year-old woman when he was eighteen. In the interview, Davis said he was on drugs back then and remembers little about the murder. His defense claimed that he was possessed by demons at the time. He was found guilty of manslaughter and sentenced to 20 years in prison. While in prison, he became a Christian and began preaching to other prisoners. Because of prison over-crowding, he was released after serving only 8 1/2 years.

I did a search online for Maury Davis and found the details of his crime in the Nashville Scene story, A grieving son finds no justice on Rev. Maury Davis' path to redemption. Davis' short sentence certainly doesn't fit my own sense of justice. However, I am not so quick to dismiss his claim of finding God in prison because many people seek God at their lowest point. According to the article, the murder victim's son has a hard time believing that Davis has been redeemed:

Had he gone to a small town and a small farming community, and opened up a church and ministered to people in the backwoods, I might could buy that. But I don't know very many ministers who live in million-dollar homes in gated communities.

As the author of the article noted, "irreconcilable crossroads emerge(s) where the Christian tenet of redemption meets society's need for real justice" and "though God many remove all sin, the world of men is far less forgiving." I am not familiar with Davis' ministry but I will say this: the important thing is that in every way, whether from false motives or true, Christ is preached. And because of this I rejoice.  

Contrast Davis' "Prison to Priesthood" story with An Unreal Dream, the story of a man who spent twenty-five years behind bars for a crime he did not commit. Michael Morton's wife Christine was beaten to death in their bed one morning in 1986, shortly after Michael left for work. Morton, thirty-two years old at the time, became the prime suspect even though there was evidence pointing to someone else - the testimony of the Morton's three-year old son about the man he saw, neighbors who saw a man parking a van behind the Morton's house, and a blood-stained bandanna that was found near the home.

There was no evidence pointing to Morton. The prosecution hung its case on the medical examiner's estimated time of death. The supposed motive -  that he was angry because his wife didn't want to have sex. The jury didn't get to see the exculpatory evidence and they convicted Morton for his wife's murder. He was sentenced to life in prison.

It is hard for me to imagine how difficult it would be to be convicted for a crime you did not commit. Not having time to grieve the loss of your spouse because you're fighting to save your own life. Telling people over and over again that you are innocent and having no one believe you. Only seeing your child a couple of times a year.

Morton had to accept his fate yet he maintained his innocence. The one thing he had to look forward to in prison was seeing his son. When his son was twelve or thirteen he decided he didn't want to visit his father anymore. When he turned eighteen, Michael's son legally change his name. These rejections were crushing - they broke Michael's spirit.

Eighteen years after his conviction, Morton's case was taken on by the Innocence Project. The new legal team asked for DNA testing on the stored crime scene evidence, including the blood-stained bandanna. The district attorney opposed the request for DNA testing. Morton's attorneys also made public records requests for investigative materials, suspecting that key evidence was withheld from the defense. The DA fought this request too. He opposed Morton's release on parole because "Michael Morton has never accepted responsibility for murdering his wife." Morton was not willing to lie to get out of prison. It was six years before an appeals court ordered the DNA testing. The DNA testing identified the real murderer and Morton was freed.

The original prosecutor on the case was charged with withholding evidence. He served five days. Five days versus twenty-five years. This is a perfect example of justice gone awry. Yet despite this injustice, Morton was able to forgive the prosecutor who took away his freedom and smeared his good name. How is that possible?

Here are some of his words about his own path to redemption from prison:

When everything has been taken away, or what you think is everything at that point, it can feel awfully brutal.

Losing Chris didn't break me. Being convicted and being sentenced didn't break me. Spending 14 or 15 years down there didn't break me. But when I lost my son, that broke me. 

I didn't see any reason for anything, and I literally cried out to God, ‘I got nothing. I'm bankrupt. Show me something. Are you there?' I got nothing. And, uh, nothing happened. I just — nothing. Void.

Then, a week or so later...

Without any preamble or warning — no flags at all — I was suddenly bathed in this blinding, golden, indescribable light. It was all I could see. There was a roaring in my ears that blotted everything out," Morton said. "I felt that I was weightless, just floating above the bunk. I was experiencing bliss. I was very, very at peace.

Michael Morton, locked up behind bars with no hope of justice or mercy, called out God and God listened. Even though he was still imprisoned physically, his spiritual chains fell off and his heart was free.

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Heavenly Father, you know why these stories touch my heart. You have the power to transform lives. So I pray once again for Jeremy. May he know how much you love him. I pray for mercy. I pray for peace. I pray that his "unreal dream" will come to an end.  Amen.

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Pride: Competing for Self Esteem

I don't think of myself as an overly proud person but CS Lewis wrote something about pride in Mere Christianity that struck close to home. He said that we loathe pride when we see it in someone else but we often fail to recognize it in ourselves. He said that "the great sin" of pride, one of the seven deadly sins, is essentially competitive. If we're proud, we don't just want to be rich, we want to be richer than others. We don't just want to be good looking, we want to be better looking than others. 

Generally speaking, pride is defined as conceit or an excessively high opinion of yourself. Pride also describes other types of feelings that aren't necessarily bad.

Merriam-Webster definition of pride: 1) a feeling that you respect yourself and deserve to be respected by other people, 2) a feeling that you are more important or better than other people, or 3) a feeling of happiness that you get when you or someone you know does something good, difficult, etc. 

It is healthy to respect yourself and to expect to be respected by other people. Feeling good about accomplishments is not a bad thing either, though excessive boasting turns people off. The kind of pride people find offensive is the attitude that you are better than other people. I don't think that I am more important or better than other people, however my desire to be respected and accepted by other people causes unnecessary struggles to preserve my self esteem. Yet I spent too many years thinking I wasn't good enough not to fight perceived threats to my feelings of self-worth.

Lewis said that if you want to find out how proud you are, ask yourself, "How much do I dislike it when other people  snub me, or refuse to take any notice of me, or shove their oar in, or patronize me, or show off?" I have to admit that I dislike these things a lot. There have been times in my life, especially in relationships with women, when I have been on the receiving end of snobbery - being snubbed, treated like I'm invisible. It wounds your pride. It makes you question whether there is something wrong with you or whether you did something wrong.  And you get upset, because you know there isn't and you didn't.

In Signature Sins, Michael Mangis makes the distinction between outward and inward pride. Outward pride is shown by being vain, arrogant, haughty, condescending or indifferent to the desires of other people.  Signs of inward pride are perfectionism or being obsessed with what other people think about you.

The key to overcoming pride of the outward kind is to develop humility. What if you already have humility but find yourself caring too much about what other people think about you? What if you find yourself competing to keep your self-esteem intact against an opponent who wants to bring you down?

1. Make a list of everything you value about yourself and look at it when you find your self-esteem being threatened. 
2. Don't take being snubbed personally. Although the arrogant or snobbish behavior may be directed at you, it doesn't mean there is something wrong with you. The snob may feel insecure. Disrespecting you is an attempt to prove their superiority.
3. Don't spend unnecessary time with people like this. It's toxic to your sense of self-worth.
4. When you do have to be around people who think they are better than you, be friendly. Be overly gracious. That's taking the high road.
5. Remember that God loves you for who you are. No one can take that away from you. You are fearfully and wonderfully made.

What Kind of Tree Would You Be?

In the Bible, a prophet was a person chosen by God to deliver a message to the people. A false prophet was anyone who falsely claimed to be a messenger of God.

Jesus warned about false prophets and said that we can recognize them by their fruit: a true prophet bears good fruit and a false prophet bears bad fruit.

Matthew 7:15-20 New International Version (NIV)

¹⁵ “Watch out for false prophets. They come to you in sheep’s clothing, but inwardly they are ferocious wolves. ¹⁶ By their fruit you will recognize them. Do people pick grapes from thorn bushes, or figs from thistles? ¹⁷ Likewise, every good tree bears good fruit, but a bad tree bears bad fruit. ¹⁸ A good tree cannot bear bad fruit, and a bad tree cannot bear good fruit.¹⁹ Every tree that does not bear good fruit is cut down and thrown into the fire. ²⁰ Thus, by their fruit you will recognize them.

In the book of Galatians, chapter six, the apostle Paul listed several examples of the fruits of the Holy Spirit and the acts of our sinful natures.

Good Fruits of the Spirit	Acts of a Sinful Nature
Joy	Sexual immorality
Peace	Idolatry
Patience	Hatred
Kindness	Jealousy, envy
Goodness	Selfish ambition
Faithfulness	Debauchery
Gentleness	Discord, dissension
Self-control	Fits of rage

In this age of Twitter, Facebook and instant news, we are bombarded with messages from friends, family, the media, celebrities, political parties and special interest groups. Certainly, very few people in the world today claim to be prophets, but many people claim to be religious. Sadly, their actions do not display the good fruits of the spirit. I don't recognize them!

If you were a tree, what kind of tree would you be? I know what kind of tree I want to be - a good tree, one that bears good fruit, like one planted by streams of water.

Psalm 1:1-3 New International Version (NIV)

1 Blessed is the one who does not walk in step with the wicked or stand in the way that  sinners take or sit in the company of mockers, 2 but whose delight is in the law of the Lord,    and who meditates on his law day and night.  3  That person is like a tree planted by streams of water,  which yields its fruit in season and whose leaf does not wither -  whatever they do prospers.

This means I need to meditate on God's word and to think about all things good!