I'm Talking But Nobody's Listening!

My nephew shared a post on Facebook from a person who said that he likes the kind of person who makes direct eye contact with you and encourages you to continue speaking when you’re telling a story and everyone else is talking over you. As an introvert, I get discouraged when I have something to say and no one listens. If I were a big talker, this wouldn’t be such a big deal. But as a person of few spoken words, it makes me feel invisible and unimportant. My words are not a dime a dozen.

I’m not sure if extroverts understand this. So many times in my life, I have heard “Speak up” or “Don’t be shy.” I am soft-spoken, so I can understand that I have to speak louder to be heard if there is a lot of background noise. But when people say “don’t be shy” that seems a bit condescending to me. It makes it sound like shy is a bad thing and shows a lack of understanding about why introverts don’t speak as readily as extroverts.

Introverts are known for being quiet but that does not mean we have nothing to say. Our minds are full of words. I often imagine having conversations with someone but most often those conversations never take place. That’s probably because real conversations are generally spontaneous and not scripted. Introverts often need time to compose our thoughts. We don’t speak spontaneously or off the cuff.

Introverts are also known for disliking small talk. Usually, I do not mind making small talk with strangers because I am friendly and the encounters are brief – while I am on the elevator, for example. There have even been a couple of times in my life where I have had such a good time chatting with a stranger that I wouldn’t mind getting to know them better. But I still find it difficult to progress into something more interesting than small talk with people I don’t know well.

I have learned that like other introverts, I hate to interrupt people when they are speaking. This explains much of my hesitation to speak up in a group. It can be difficult to get a word in edgewise. I also feel uncomfortable when everyone is looking at me. I think every introvert has had the experience of speaking and having your words go unnoticed. It makes you feel invisible. 

So I have this request for extroverts: Encourage an introvert. Don't get so absorbed in what you have to say that you don't notice the quiet people around you. Make eye contact. Ask a question to draw them out. Listen.