Here's Johnny! A Celebrity Introvert

Recently I watched the PBS documentary, Johnny Carson: King of Late Night. Johnny once told a Tonight Show guest that he was an introvert. She asked why he thought he had an introverted personality. His response: "I ordered it from Omaha." To me, this was a perfect answer to a silly question. It may be hard to believe that public figures can be introverts, but it is true. On camera, Johnny was one way - quick, loose and funny. Behind the scenes he was a loner - private and aloof, a hard man to get to know.

During his nightly monologues, Johnny was the center of attention - a place that is often very difficult for introverts. You could see signs of introversion in his body language; at times he looked stiff and uncomfortable. But he also had the self-confidence that came from practicing his craft. As a child, he learned magic tricks as a way of getting social approval. On The Tonight Show, he turned on the extroverted charm long enough to perform in front of an audience five days a week. Yet because he was an introvert, he needed to retreat to his private sanctuary to recharge his batteries. 

After watching this documentary about a famous introvert with very different public and private faces, I found myself reflecting on a couple of questions. Just how changeable is introverted behavior? And if you can change introverted behavior, should you? 

Although people tend to think of introversion and extroversion as polar opposites, the personality types are better described as degrees on a continuum. The image below, from the LonerWolf introvert or extrovert test, depicts the different degrees of intro- and extroversion. Another website, Celebrity Types.com, has a Myers-Briggs type personality quiz where you can see the names of famous people who share your personality type, for example ISTJs (my type).

Image from Lonerwolf.com

Scientific research suggests that we're born with a particular personality type, but I think we can change our innate behaviors, at least temporarily. I think of it as adjusting a volume control, like the output volume on my computer. Introverts, especially those of us on the far side of the spectrum, have to try really hard to silence the inner voice that urges caution in social situations. We may feel like we have to adjust our natural social behavior because the American culture values and rewards extroversion over introversion. If we want to succeed in school or at work or to fit in with a group of extroverts, we have to pretend to be extroverted. We have to make ourselves uncomfortable.

The ability to appear extroverted when you are not is known as "passing" or being a "closet introvert." Some people are adept at appearing to be one way or the other around different groups of people. Recently I found out that one of my sisters considers herself introverted. I always thought of her as one of the most extroverted people in our family. She is bubbly and quick-witted and seems to make friends easily. Yet she says she is not comfortable around people she doesn't know. I have also read that you can be both introverted and extroverted, particularly if you are creative. 

There is something about being on stage, in a role of actor or musician (and maybe public speaker?), that shifts the experience of introversion

Even though it is possible to hide introversion or temporarily act like an extrovert, I think introverts should learn to appreciate our strengths and do what we need to do to conserve our energy. The world is a better place because some of us are introverted. We concentrate, we're cautious, we're creative, we're persistent. There are neurological reasons behind our behavioral differences, our responses to dopamine and serotonin, for example. Introverts avoid being over-stimulated by our environments because we have so much going on internally already. We're wired for deep thought.

Although introverts don't respond to social interaction in the same way that extroverts do, we still desire to connect with people. Angelina Chapin, an introvert, wrote a blog post about the surprisingly best way to tell whether you are an introvert or extrovert: do you save your energy for meaningful conversations or do you find small talk stimulating? Regardless of what your personal preferences are, "keep in mind each is probably making the best choice about using or conserving his or her energy to form actual connections."

I think Johnny Carson understood this as well as anyone. He accepted his introversion but didn't let it keep him from interacting with people on his terms. With practice, he learned to be comfortable in front of a crowd because he wanted to connect with people and share his gift for comedy. He didn't just talk, he listened.

Pride: Competing for Self Esteem

I don't think of myself as an overly proud person but CS Lewis wrote something about pride in Mere Christianity that struck close to home. He said that we loathe pride when we see it in someone else but we often fail to recognize it in ourselves. He said that "the great sin" of pride, one of the seven deadly sins, is essentially competitive. If we're proud, we don't just want to be rich, we want to be richer than others. We don't just want to be good looking, we want to be better looking than others. 

Generally speaking, pride is defined as conceit or an excessively high opinion of yourself. Pride also describes other types of feelings that aren't necessarily bad.

Merriam-Webster definition of pride: 1) a feeling that you respect yourself and deserve to be respected by other people, 2) a feeling that you are more important or better than other people, or 3) a feeling of happiness that you get when you or someone you know does something good, difficult, etc. 

It is healthy to respect yourself and to expect to be respected by other people. Feeling good about accomplishments is not a bad thing either, though excessive boasting turns people off. The kind of pride people find offensive is the attitude that you are better than other people. I don't think that I am more important or better than other people, however my desire to be respected and accepted by other people causes unnecessary struggles to preserve my self esteem. Yet I spent too many years thinking I wasn't good enough not to fight perceived threats to my feelings of self-worth.

Lewis said that if you want to find out how proud you are, ask yourself, "How much do I dislike it when other people  snub me, or refuse to take any notice of me, or shove their oar in, or patronize me, or show off?" I have to admit that I dislike these things a lot. There have been times in my life, especially in relationships with women, when I have been on the receiving end of snobbery - being snubbed, treated like I'm invisible. It wounds your pride. It makes you question whether there is something wrong with you or whether you did something wrong.  And you get upset, because you know there isn't and you didn't.

In Signature Sins, Michael Mangis makes the distinction between outward and inward pride. Outward pride is shown by being vain, arrogant, haughty, condescending or indifferent to the desires of other people.  Signs of inward pride are perfectionism or being obsessed with what other people think about you.

The key to overcoming pride of the outward kind is to develop humility. What if you already have humility but find yourself caring too much about what other people think about you? What if you find yourself competing to keep your self-esteem intact against an opponent who wants to bring you down?

1. Make a list of everything you value about yourself and look at it when you find your self-esteem being threatened. 
2. Don't take being snubbed personally. Although the arrogant or snobbish behavior may be directed at you, it doesn't mean there is something wrong with you. The snob may feel insecure. Disrespecting you is an attempt to prove their superiority.
3. Don't spend unnecessary time with people like this. It's toxic to your sense of self-worth.
4. When you do have to be around people who think they are better than you, be friendly. Be overly gracious. That's taking the high road.
5. Remember that God loves you for who you are. No one can take that away from you. You are fearfully and wonderfully made.

Defending Christianity in an Age of Skepticism

The Christian faith is often misunderstood and criticized. Because my faith is important to me, I am learning the discipline of Apologetics to prepare myself to defend it. I recently read a couple of good books on the subject - Mere Christianity, by C.S. Lewis (1898-1963), a former atheist, and The Reason for God: Belief in an Age of Skepticism, by Timothy Keller, founder of Redeemer Presbyterian Church.

The Faith I Defend

At the beginning of Mere Christianity, Lewis noted that the word "Christian" has lost its original meaning.  Today there are people who culturally identify as Christians who do not practice the principles of the gospel of Jesus Christ. Keller points out that the Bible tells us to expect that people will misrepresent the faith and even tells us how to discern this. So to be clear, my defense of Christianity is a defense of the faith of those of us who believe that Jesus Christ is the Son of God, have repented of our sins, and have chosen to follow him. This not a defense of religious fanatics or of people who are Christians in name only, though you may certainly describe me as a Jesus freak if you wish.

The shortcomings of the church can be understood historically as the imperfect adoption and practice of the principles of the Christian gospel. – Timothy Keller, The Reason for God

Human Morality

C.S. Lewis used human morality to make his case for God’s existence. Moral arguments were woven throughout Keller's book as well. As both authors admitted, science can't prove that God exists. In Mere Christianity, there are several assertions about human morality, which I have listed below: 

1. People agree that there are moral laws or rules of behavior we ought to live by.
2. The rules of behavior tell us what we ought to do or what we should do.
3. No one actually follows the rules perfectly. We may want to, but we can't.
4. When we fail to follow the rules of moral behavior, we make excuses for ourselves. 
5. We evaluate rules of morality by saying some moral laws are higher than others.
6. Sometimes moral obligations conflict with other moral rules or with our other instincts, e.g. with our instinct for self-preservation.
7. Our consciences weigh the rules so we can make the best moral choice.
8. The best moral choice isn't necessarily the one that is in our own interest. The most moral choice may not be useful or convenient. 

Moral obligation is a belief that some things ought not to be done regardless of how a person feels about them within herself, regardless of what the rest of her community and culture says, and regardless of whether it is in her self-interest or not. – Timothy Keller, The Reason for God

Lewis acknowledged that some people believe moral laws are determined by one's culture. However, there are rules of human behavior common to all cultures - you should not steal, you should be fair, etc. Critics also claim that morality is relative to the individual - if something feels right to me, it is moral. Yet even these people complain when someone wrongs them. There would be no point in arguing about what is right or wrong if we did not have common beliefs about morality. We would not make excuses for our own moral failings if we didn't agree that there are rules of behavior that we all should follow. 

Furthermore, if morality is relative, then any individual or culture can say that rape or incest or torture are moral. Yet we know that these behaviors are objectively wrong. Other apologists have argued that relativism leads to nihilism. If there is no god, there is no objective moral authority. Every moral question becomes the question "Says who?"

I believe that we can only accept a moral obligation as objective, as a rule that we all ought to follow, if the highest moral authority establishes it. Not only that, the authority figure must be completely above reproach. Most of us don’t mindlessly submit to the rules that define moral behavior.  Generally speaking, we have the free will to choose how to behave. We learn and practice what it means to be a decent human being - that we shouldn't be selfish, for example.

Every time you make a choice, you are turning the central part of you, the part of you that chooses, into something a little different from what it was before. - CS Lewis, Mere Christianity

So how is human morality evidence of God? Well, you can take the non-religious, naturalistic view and say that the universe and all life forms were caused by natural forces and that humans evolved from a simpler life form into complex beings based on evolution and natural selection. Or you can take the religious view (not just the Christian view) that says that the universe and life were created by an intelligent force, a power with a purpose.

Lewis noted that if there is a controlling power outside our universe, it could show itself as one of the observable facts, as an influence to behave a certain way. He also said that if this power behind the moral law is interested in morally right behavior, then it follows that it would not approve of wrong behavior.

To explain the origin of morality in the absence of a god, you must either believe that morality is a creation of the human mind or that morality is a characteristic that was passed on through natural, evolutionary processes (i.e. the natural selection theory). It seems to me that there have been plenty of selfish, ruthless people throughout history who have been “fit” enough to survive and pass their genes on to mankind. Morality doesn’t seem to be naturally selected or to have an evolutionary purpose for survival.

The Christian View of the Moral Argument

Christians believe that God is the intelligent, supreme power behind our universe. We believe that God created us in his image as intelligent, creative beings with the free will to choose. We believe we were designed to live in mutually beneficial relationships with other people and with God, our creator. We believe that because man disobeyed God, sin was introduced to the world. We believe that our disobedience has consequences – physical death and eternal separation from God. 

It seems to me that there are a few things that the non-religious and Christian views of morality have in common. One, we agree that human beings are special (among the life forms we know about) having intelligence, creativity, the capacity for love, etc. Each of us is unique - unique DNA, unique experiences, unique personalities and talents. We see beauty in that individuality and want to be loved and valued for who we are as individuals. Second, we believe that human beings have the ability, even the right, to choose our own way in this life. We want to pursue the things that make us happy based on our own preferences and perceptions. Third, we agree that humans do not behave the way we collectively think we ought to behave.

We have a sense that the world is not the way it ought to be. We have a sense that we are very flawed and yet very great. We have a longing for love and beauty that nothing in this world can fulfill.  We have a deep need to know meaning and purpose. Which worldview best accounts for these things? - Timothy Keller, The Reason for God

The Great Teacher, Emmanuel “God with Us”

Compass Plant

Christians believe that God loves his creation so much that he came to earth in human form to redeem us - as a Son of Man.  Christians believe that Christ was the perfect embodiment of human morality because he is one with God, the author of morality. Yet Jesus did not cling to his equality with God to avoid pain and death; he submitted himself to God's plan for human redemption.

During his ministry on Earth, Jesus taught his followers several things about moral law. He taught that we should show love and mercy towards one another, forgive one another, avoid anger and hatred, and live in peace. He taught that we should take care of the least among us. He was not impressed with outward appearances of piety but was instead concerned with what is in our hearts. For from the heart come evil thoughts, murder, adultery, all sexual immorality, theft, lying, and slander.

Any genuine Christian will tell you, it is not easy to follow Christ's moral example. He taught that we should love our enemies and pray for those who persecute us. He said that we should not judge other people. For in the way you judge, you will be judged; and by your standard of measure, it will be measured to you. He taught that we should be humble and have the heart of a servant. We should be willing to give up everything to follow him.

There are a lot of rules in the Bible about how we should behave, yet when asked to name the greatest commandment, Jesus said:  “Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind. This is the first and greatest commandment. And the second is like it: 'Love your neighbor as yourself.’ There is no commandment greater than these.”

The Internal Struggle

You certainly don’t have to be a Christian to understand the second greatest commandment, commonly known as the golden rule. If you have empathy, you can put yourself in someone else’s shoes and see how mutually beneficial it is to treat other people the way you want to be treated.

The commandment that Jesus called first and most important is much harder to accept and follow. We don’t want to submit to someone else’s will; we want to find our own way in life. We make our desires for achievement, wealth, relationships, pleasure, status, power, social approval, etc. so important that there isn’t room for God. So to the Christian, sin isn’t just breaking the rules of moral behavior. It is making something other than God central to your sense of self, to your desire to prove your own worth. Our self-centered nature leads to the personal, internal struggle to tame the thoughts, imaginings, emotions, desires and longings of the heart.

Lewis called pride the greatest sin. He said that pride is “essentially competitive” because it causes us to compare ourselves to other people as we strive to be richer, better looking, smarter, more something. In God, we find the one who is greater than us in every way. It takes humility to admit this. Christianity is not an exclusive club. Becoming a Christian is as simple as confessing your sins and believing that Jesus Christ died for you. If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness.

Sweet Surrender

I believe in gravity, the powerful force that keeps me physically grounded. I can't see it but I know it's there.  I believe in another powerful force that keeps me morally and spiritually grounded. I can't see God but I know He is here. He reveals Himself to me not only in the wondrous natural world I see, but also in love, mercy, and forgiveness and the witness of people whose lives have been transformed by his power. I am redeemed. Giving up on the never-ending struggle to prove yourself worthy of the world's love frees you to accept God's love, a love that is more powerful than any other. 

If there is no God, then moral choices are meaningless. People make up their own rules to suit their own desires when the best moral choice is too inconvenient or restrictive. We don't universally accept the authority of other people to hand down moral rules. Their authority doesn't pass the "Sez who" test - God's does. 

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Resolved to be More Intentional

I don't typically make New Year's resolutions because I think that changes worth making are worth making now, not later. But there is something compelling about a clean slate and a fresh start. There is also something motivating about sharing your resolutions. If I tell somebody I'm going to do something, I am more likely to do it than if I just tell myself I ought to do something. My own resolutions come about from the little things about me that bug me - the things I wish I would do more or less or better. Nothing grand, nothing life changing, just little changes for the body, mind and spirit. 

Health and Fitness. Last year, I resolved to run injury free. I am happy to say that my hamstring and piriformis muscles feel much better than they did before I cut back on running. Unfortunately, my injuries aren't completely healed. I still run once or twice a week on the treadmill and I ran outside on the trails once a week in late spring and summer. (My husband is also a runner and is taking a few months off running to heal an ankle injury.) 

In 2014, I resolve to be intentional about exercising.  I intend to go to the gym 4 or 5  times a week with a plan, a plan for what cardio, stretching and strength training exercises I'm going to do. I intend to increase my core body strength - to do planks even though I hate doing them. I don't expect to increase my running much because I don't think my body is ready, yet I would like to run a few 5k races and perhaps the Bolder Boulder 10k.  And yes, my friends, I know that biking would be good for me. I intend to ride my bike more in 2014. 

Even with a regular exercise schedule, I am getting squishy in the middle. I resolve to eat intentionally to manage my weight as I age. As much as I would like to pretend that I am still 30 something, I have to face the fact that my metabolism is slowing down and I can't eat like I used to.  According to the Mayo Clinic,  I might need to eat 200 fewer calories a day in my 50's to fight menopause weight gain. 

I intend to eat smaller portions - perhaps to use a salad plate for my evening meal like I do for lunch. I am also looking for ways to eat and drink smarter. I recently saw a video clip from Dr. Oz saying that eating a small amount of cheese with each meal helps prevent the storage of belly fat. I also recently read that there are health benefits to combining green tea with carbohydrates. Since I eat cereal almost every day, I have been having a cuppa green tea as I get ready for work each morning.

Mind and Spirit. A couple of things happened this year that made me want to be a better person. A teacher at the neighborhood charter school waits at the curb a couple of times a week for parents to pick up kindergarten kids. A few times now, she has motioned for me to slow down as I accelerate up the hill to the stop light on my way back to work after lunch. It makes me mad! I don't think I drive any faster than anyone else drives through the neighborhood. That is not the point. I know I drive faster than 20 miles per hour so I should slow down. I resolve to drive slowly in school zones and neighborhoods. Don't take things so personally.

The other thing that happened this year that prompted a resolution was an unpleasant encounter with an acquaintance on Facebook. I expressed my frustration with Congress' handling of the debt limit. This man, like many Americans, blames our country's economic issues on Obama and the poor. Seeing how much discord there is prompted my resolution to be an instrument of God's love and peace.

I also intend to watch less political news/opinion shows on TV. Just like party politics, these TV shows can be adversarial, dishonest, divisive, and arrogant. I believe that the things we put into our minds have an effect on our words, attitudes, actions and hopes. So I intend to focus on things that are good, commendable, worthy of praise.

Philippians 4:8 English Standard Version (ESV)
Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things.

On this positive note, I wish you a blessed and Happy New Year!