Understanding the Introvert at Work

Are you sociable with your work colleagues or do you keep to yourself? Do you interact with a lot of people or just a few? Do you take breaks just to talk to people? Are you eager to answer the phone or do you let calls go to voicemail? Are you easy to approach or reserved? In conversation, do you say anything that comes to mind or do you have to think before speaking? Do you prefer to express your thoughts in conversation or writing?

These are the kinds of questions that get at whether you have a more introverted or extroverted personality. I am decidedly in the introverted camp. I will chat a bit with the people I see around the office but I rarely go out of my way to talk to others. I keep to myself and prefer to interact with colleagues by email. I answer the phone if I know the caller but will let a call go to voicemail if I don't recognize the number. I used to think maybe I should try to be different but the truth is, I am content to sit quietly at my desk and get down to business.

Communicating

Introverts are usually better listeners than speakers. We prefer conversing with one or two people at a time. We do not like to interrupt a speaker and get frustrated when others talk over us. In Conversing with Extroverts 101, the introverted blogger expressed her frustration with extroverts' fast paced conversations and habit of interrupting. In contrast, introverted conversation is like a jazz concert - each player waits his turn to solo.

I've read that extroverts speak to think but introverts think before we speak. Innies struggle to find the right words quickly so we often hesitate to speak for fear of sounding stupid. Marti Olsen Laney, Psy. D. (The Introvert Advantage), explains that for the introvert, information moves more slowly between the areas of the brain associated with language. We use long-term memory and must make the right word association from stored memories to select the right words. Being put on the spot can make us anxious because we need time to respond intelligently. According to Laney, the process of writing uses different pathways in the introverted brain so written words flow much more fluently.

Introverts often know more about a subject than we reveal to others and we may have to be specifically asked for our opinions and ideas. But saying "don't be shy" or "speak up" doesn't work with me. That's like saying "don't be the kind of person whose brain works like an introvert." Sorry, but I like my brain just the way it is!

For the introverted worker, office email is a double-edged sword. Yes, it is preferable for those of us who prefer writing to speaking; email allows us to compose our thoughts. But the benefits of email come at a cost - constant interruptions. Email is also distracting to me because I feel compelled to control the number of emails in my inbox for fear of not attending to one that requires a response. I also prefer instant messaging to talking, but sometimes one-on-one conversations get to the point more quickly than messaging. I also find instant messaging more intrusive than email because the expectation is that I must respond in an instant.

At my company, we have employees in multiple offices across the country. I frequently work on projects, which means there are a lot of conference calls. Meetings interrupt the work I'd rather be doing and in my opinion, often don't accomplish much. I can be easily distracted with thoughts of other things I'd rather be doing, or by other things I actually am doing while I am on the phone, or by background noise. Because I can't see who is speaking, I can't gauge the right time to chime in even if I wanted to. I also need time to digest information to decide what I think about it. Extroverts, on the other hand, are good at paying attention to many things at the same time.

Working Independently

In Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can't Stop Talking, Susan Cain opened the chapter "When Collaboration Kills Creativity" with the story of Stephen Wozniak of Apple Computer. Although he spent hours each day in a cubicle, he was at his most energized and creative working alone early in the morning or after hours. I can relate. I get to work by 7 a.m. every day and treasure that first hour when there aren't many people around. I also have trouble making myself stop at the end of the day because I am so focused on what I'm doing.

While most of us do not have the creativity to invent a computer, introverts use their creative thinking and problem solving abilities most productively and contentedly if they can work alone, quietly. We enjoy working on complex problems and are good at work that requires attention to detail. But that kind of work also requires concentration which explains why we dislike distractions and interruptions so much. Our minds are energized while in deep thought so we prefer staying in our cubicles or offices to socializing.

Introverts also work well with little supervision. In my career, I have been the happiest when I have a boss who lets me work independently, behind the scenes, entrusting me with responsibilities that require a focused mind. I become miserably unhappy if I have a boss who micromanages me or does not give me enough space.

I am not opposed to collaborating with colleagues but it really depends on how it is done. On a current project, a colleague set up multiple meetings with me and another employee to slowly walk through a project requirements document he was responsible for drafting. This approach probably works for him because he thinks while talking. I find this collaborative approach really annoying because I can contribute much more while working alone.

Work Space Quality

Cain wrote about an interesting experiment called the Coding War Games, which was conducted to identify the characteristics of the best and worst programmers. "Top performers overwhelmingly worked for companies that gave their workers the most privacy, personal space, control over their physical environment, and freedom from interruption." The study showed that the quality of work space impacted worker productivity.

Cain also wrote about the trend towards open office plans, "in which no one has a room of his or her own, the only walls are the ones holding up the building, and senior executives operate from the center of the boundary-less floor along with everyone else." She said that the amount of space per employee has been shrinking and was about 200 square feet in 2010. Considering where I work, I thought that figure was high. Apparently, the office space allocated to conference rooms, lunch rooms, and other office areas is counted in the per employee average; work space cubicles are generally only 60 to 110 square feet per person.

My company planned at one time to redesign offices around the country to a more open layout but fortunately those plans were aborted after being implemented in one location. I breathed a huge sigh of relief because our current office space environment is challenging enough as it is. Here are my thoughts on the challenges of being an introverted cubicle dweller:

1. Space limitations. Innies have a greater need for personal space than extroverts, both physically and mentally. In my office, the cubes are only about 50-60 square feet per person, which is a little too cozy to me. It is much less distracting to be in a bigger bubble.
2. Visual distractions. I hate that "fish bowl" feeling that everyone is looking at me. I also don't like being distracted by seeing other people walk by all day. Cubicle walls should be high enough to prevent employees from seeing outside activity while seated. Ideally, there should be a privacy wall facing traffic areas.
3. Auditory distractions. This is my greatest challenge. It is really distracting to have noisy neighbors in an office. The extroverted woman who sits on the other side of my wall speaks loudly. When she speaks on the phone she gets even louder, especially when she asserts her opinions. It is hard for me to concentrate when she is talking and hard to hear when I am on conference calls at the same time. Working in close proximity to others also makes you privy to personal phone calls and conversations that are distracting.
4. Olfactory distractions. Recently an email was sent to the women in my area of the office to remind us that some people are sensitive to the smell of strong cologne. I wasn't the one who complained about the smell but I could have been. If I am within three or four feet of a person wearing too much perfume, my throat gets irritated. Many introverts are more sensitive to smells and sounds.

Admittedly, even extroverts are challenged by the space limitations and sensory distractions of the typical office. I enjoyed watching The Office but I don't know how anyone could get anything done if they worked in that kind of atmosphere.

De-stressing

In 10 Ways Introverts Interact Differently With The World, Alena Hall notes "an introvert is most obvious and vulnerable when he or she is in an over-stimulating environment." There is science behind our differences. The introverted brain is more sensitive to the neurotransmitter dopamine so introverts become over-stimulated and drained if they have too much of it. 

In Quiet, Cain wrote about Professor Little, an introvert who was such an effective public speaker that he was often invited to lecture. Afterwards, he needed to recharge so he would either go for a solitary stroll or hide inside a stall in the restroom! He called "the place you go when you want to return to your true self" a restorative niche. For me, my home is my charging station. I am fortunate to live close to my office so I am able to go home for lunch everyday. The break isn't long enough for me to completely unwind but is enough time for me to recharge my batteries so I can get through the second half of the day without feeling as stressed.

Dr. Laney says that in her experience, there are four aspects of the workplace that are stressful for introverts: deadlines, interruptions, difficulty in remembering names and faces, and feeling overwhelmed at work. For me the two big issues are interruptions and feeling overwhelmed.

I'm usually not worried about meeting deadlines because I plan out my work adequately. However, a couple of months ago I was given the kind of sudden deadline that I think of as a fire drill. I was tasked with doing something I had never done before with no training or documentation. The project had to be completed that day so I stayed late a few hours to get it done. I remember how overwhelmed and frustrated I felt. At times, I would stop and say to myself, I can't think! My brain felt fuzzy and incapable of performing its normal, thorough, thoughtful processes. And I made mistakes, which added to my stress level.

The past few months, I have struggled with feeling overwhelmed by all the changes in my job and I have not learned to calm myself effectively. When I feel overwhelmed, I just want to escape, to quit. Dr. Laney says that "feeling overwhelmed is part of being introverted." Don't beat yourself up about it. "Remember, it means that you take in lots of information and that your brain is very active."

********

Obviously, not all introverts work in a corporate office like I do. I would love to hear about the challenges that other introverts face at work. What are your coping strategies?

Why Employees Leave

This month is the 30th anniversary of my career as an accountant. When I searched for self-study CPA continuing professional education courses to take this year, I was drawn to one that has nothing to do with accounting, based on a book by Leigh Branham, The 7 Hidden Reasons Employees Leave. This topic intrigued me because over the years I have left a half dozen jobs for various reasons, often wishing that things would get better so I could stay. 

The author of the course gathered information about why employees voluntarily leave a company from a "Decision to Leave" survey on his "Keeping the People" website and from research from the Saratoga Institute. The Institute estimated that the cost of losing the average employee is equivalent to one times the annual salary. Others say the true cost depends on who you lose - entry level versus mid-level or highly specialized. There is also the hidden cost of employees becoming disengaged long before they leave; unhappy employees are not fully committed to the interests of the company. 

Recently in one of my company's quarterly "town hall" meetings, an employee anonymously asked a question about the high employee turnover we've experienced since the company laid off workers this spring. The senior executive leading the meeting responded with a "see no evil" kind of answer. He told us to look back at a slide he had presented earlier about the new people we've hired. Speaking for myself, I would have liked him to acknowledge that those of us who are left are feeling the pain of losing valued coworkers and we long to feel like valued assets again.

Sadly, management is often in denial about employee turnover and its costs because they don't want to know that their decisions are causing people to leave. Many executives and senior managers do not care why employees leave the company; they see it as an acceptable cost of doing business. The consequences of denial and indifference are not as dire when the economy is bad. Employees tend to stay put even if they're dissatisfied. But when the tide turns and the number of jobs increases, employees will leave and the company will have to fight to retain and attract talent.

The Decision to Leave

As I know personally, when people leave a job they often give superficial reasons - higher pay or a "better opportunity." But in reality, outside factors or "pull" reasons only account for about 10-20% of employee turnover. Surveys show that most people leave due to internal or "push" factors like dissatisfaction with the job, the manager, the culture or the work environment. Lack of trust in senior leaders is the number one reason employees leave. The decision to leave is usually not sudden but builds over time. The employee may try to change things for the better, then look for another job passively, then finally actively seek other employment. 

The author of the course also noted that there is usually a triggering or shocking event that pushes an employee to make the final decision to leave. Triggers include being passed over for a promotion, getting a new boss, finding out you make less money than another person doing the same job, a conflict with a coworker, or having to make unreasonable personal sacrifices. In my company, layoffs and the restructuring of our financial services department were triggers that resulted in changes in responsibilities, job titles, managers, and workloads. There have been plenty of reasons for employees to seek other employment. Thankfully, many have stayed.  

Seven Reasons Employees Leave

The author sifted through sixty-seven different reasons employees gave for leaving their jobs and boiled them down to seven reasons. 

1. The job or workplace is not what the employee expected. This reason is probably more common among new hires because their expectations of the job were not realistic. Employers can reduce this kind of turnover by presenting a realistic job preview when hiring, by doing more hiring from within and using more employee referrals. Employers can also make job descriptions more realistic, i.e. only listing the most critical competencies and not a long list of wishes. Yes, it might seem ideal to find candidates experienced in using XYZ software, but many skills are transferable.

With several years of investment accounting experience, I was hired by an insurance company as an investment accountant. But after only five or six months, the company decided to outsource the investment accounting function. Obviously, I did not expect this. I transferred within the company to a regulatory accounting position working with an experienced colleague. She kept the more challenging work for herself and gave me work that was menial. I was not only under-challenged but felt demeaned. I left the company after less than a year for another investment accounting position that offered less money.

2. There is a mismatch between the job and the employee. Because we have a fundamental need to exercise competence and master new skills, employees become dissatisfied when a job does not use their strengths. The best employers are the best "matchmakers."

The best employers do not hold these erroneous beliefs:

• Employees are interchangeable parts that can be moved from one slot to another. The truth is, people are hard-wired for certain kinds of work.
• Skills and knowledge are more important than talent. For long-term success, natural talent is more important than knowledge, though it is harder to identify.
• With the right training and right attitude, people can learn to do well in almost any job. The truth is, although people can perform many activities adequately, they will only excel if a job matches their "motivated abilities." Motivated abilities are the kinds of activities to which we are naturally drawn. 

Sometimes companies make the mistake of promoting a person to a manager role who is not cut out to manage people. Or they make the mistake of thinking an employee's weaknesses can be eliminated by coaching and training when it would be better to just admit that the person is not a good fit and put them in a role that uses their strengths.

3. The employee does not receive enough coaching or feedback. There are a lot of reasons that managers do not give enough coaching or feedback. They may not have enough time. They may fear confrontation. They may not be close enough to what is going on. Many managers are not objective. They may be influenced by company politics or play favorites. The fact that many managers do not address non-performance issues causes morale to suffer for the employees who do perform. Some managers set employees up to fail. They put an employee on a short leash and micromanage. 

The author reiterated a point from the job/employee mismatch section that evidently must happen too often. Highly talented employees may seek to advance their careers by becoming a manager, a position that may not fit their talents or interests. Companies should not penalize top technical performers by forcing them to pursue management positions as the only way to make more money.

4. The employee feels devalued and/or unrecognized.  There are a lot of employee complaints in this area. The employee may not feel appreciated. They may not get the recognition they deserve. They may feel devalued because the employer does not listen to their concerns. They may feel devalued because the employer treats them like a child. The employer may not be providing them with the right tools to do their job. The employer may be underpaying them for the work they do.

My first job after public accounting was a unique one, as the personal accountant for a millionaire. Although he was very generous when it was time to hand out annual bonuses, on a day-to-day basis, he was difficult and demanding. He intimidated everyone. The straw that broke this camel's back was when he berated me in front of another employee. My offense was bringing him bad news from a money manager. On my way back to my desk, the employee who witnessed my verbal lashing said to me, "you learn something new every day." That employee worshiped the ground our CEO walked on. I learned that no one is going to treat me like that, regardless of how well I am paid to take the abuse.

I had another job reporting to an executive manager who operated on the opposite end of the kindness/control spectrum. He wanted everyone to like him. He was afraid of giving honest feedback and feared confrontation so he did not address employee performance issues. He was so bent on treating everyone equally, regardless of his or her contributions, that I did not feel recognized for my high performance. The trigger that finally got me out the door, so unhappy that I left without even lining up another job, was when he showed favoritism to an under performing coworker.

5. There aren't enough opportunities for growth and advancement. Career paths are not as defined as they used to be. The relationship between employer and employee has changed; today the relationship is based on meeting mutual needs. There is no longer an expectation of loyalty. Employees now have to play a bigger role in managing their own careers. Employers can help by providing the right tools. Companies that want to retain good employees should implement a fair and efficient internal job posting process and prevent managers from blocking employees who want to move to another position in the company. Good companies are committed to employee training even if it makes an employee more marketable.

Sometimes you leave a job for more than one reason. I left my job with the millionaire primarily because I didn't like his harsh and condescending management style, but also because I recognized that there weren't any opportunities for growth there. It was a dead end job. I had been doing the same thing for eight years and though it was enjoyable, I wanted the opportunity to learn something new.

6. The employee may be stressed from overwork or may desire a better work-life balance. Employees often feel like they are being asked to sacrifice their personal or family lives for the job. The company may have inflexible hours. The employer may be trying so hard to increase productivity that they sacrifice customer service. Leaders are often out of touch with employees.

The author lumped some reasons for leaving here that I think should have been in a separate category: there are some company cultures that are just plain toxic or neurotic. Employees are seen as costs or resources, not as assets. The employer attempts to control employees and may treat them as if they cannot be trusted. Other employers engage in or tolerate unethical behavior. Management may constantly change direction, driven by management fads and not being committed to a consistent long-term strategy.

7. The employee has lost trust and confidence in senior leaders.  Employees find many issues troubling in senior leaders. There is a lack of trust in their integrity, perhaps due in part to the kind of financial shenanigans that make headlines. Company leaders are often seen as isolated and out of touch or as unapproachable. They may be motivated by greed and self-interest. They demonstrate a lack of trust in and respect for workers. They mismanage change. They communicate poorly. To gain employee trust, a company must have competent leaders that inspire confidence.

Root Cause: Employee Needs are Not Being Met

While employers often think that employees are leaving for more money, the greatest influences on employee happiness and retention are intangible. The way management treats employees is even more important than money. The common theme when employees leave is employee needs are not being met. There are four basic needs that have nothing to do with compensation.

1. Trust. We need honesty, open communication, to be treated fairly and to know that management will keep its promises.
2. Hope. We need something to look forward to - the ability to grow, develop our skills and to advance within the company.
3. A sense of competency. We need a job that is matched to our talents and skills.
4. Feeling worthy and respected. We need to know that if we do our best and contribute to the company that we will be recognized, rewarded, treated with respect and valued as an asset of the company.

Leaving the Manager and Not the Company

This was not listed as one of the seven reasons employees leave, but I think it is a biggie: quite often, people leave managers, not companies. In the past thirty years, I left three jobs because I was unhappy with my manager. As I noted previously, one manager was too hard; one was too soft. Another had just the right level of empathy but lacked competency - what I call an empty suit.

An article by Giovanna Acosta lists three reasons employees leave their managers.

1. They don't communicate goals (or expectations).
2. They don't make a personal connection.
3. They allow for a negative company culture.

I have experienced the negative company culture that results when leaders don't lead. I have also experienced the lack of a personal connection and the feeling of being disconnected from the entire company when I had a manager who did not make the time to talk to me frequently. He was located in another office and frequently canceled our scheduled one-on-one phone meetings. I ended up reaching out to another manager to be included in her team meetings so I wouldn't feel so isolated and disconnected.

The Grass Isn't Always Greener On the Other Side

In my thirty year career, I have learned that the grass is not always greener somewhere else. As someone once said to me, when you change jobs, you trade issues. I traded a job I enjoyed under a difficult manager for an unchallenging job with a nice but passive manager. I traded that job for another job that was much more interesting, but again, I had a passive manager who was afraid to manage. Having said that, I don't regret leaving any of my jobs, even when the jobs I went to were not what I hoped for or what I expected. Every job and every challenge has taught me something about myself and about what I need to succeed. But whatever the issue is at your company, if you are feeling more and more disengaged, it is time to get out.

This Too Shall Pass

There are a lot of things about my current job that I like. The pay and the benefits are good. My work hours are flexible. The location is ideal and when I need to, I can work from home. I like the fact that the company has a career path for experienced people like me who do not want to manage people. I've gotten to do a variety of things in seven years and I really like the people I work with.

I also have ample reasons to want to leave my current job. I have been on an emotional roller coaster for the last couple of years with the uncertainty of looming layoffs and the sadness of losing valued colleagues. I have no sense of stability or certainty about my future with the company. I have lost confidence and trust in senior leaders. I understand the financial reasons for the layoffs, outsourcing and offshoring. But to me, talented, experienced employees are not dispensable. We have lost valuable institutional experience and knowledge that we will never get back. Ultimately, it reduces the quality of our work and hurts our customers.

Having survived the layoffs so far, we continue to shuffle work around. I have been asked to make a list of my job tasks so many times that I feel devalued, like I am an interchangeable part. I have been told that I will be doing something new, then a few weeks later, it changes. I have been stressed from having more work put on my plate, sometimes at the last minute, while managers continue to postpone approving the transitioning of certain of my tasks to other people. I'm still trying to adjust to my new manager - my fourth in seven years. I'm hopeful that she will be a good matchmaker and assign me the kind of work that matches my talents while not trying to force me into managing people.

It helps to know that my coworkers are in the same boat. My coworker, Angela, recently posted a picture on Facebook that said, "Tough times don't last. Tough people do." The hope that things will get better is one reason I have persevered in my job as long as I have. My colleagues make me feel valued even if senior management sees me as nothing but an FTE. I am thankful that so many of my coworkers have chosen to stay through the tough times, though I know that they have a few good reasons to leave. I also count my blessings and thank God for my job because I know how hard it can be to find one.

Tough times don't last. Tough people do.

Adding More Good Fruit to My Faith

When Jesus was asked to name the greatest commandment, he replied: "'Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.' This is the first and greatest commandment. And the second is like it: 'Love your neighbor as yourself.' All the Law and the Prophets hang on these two commandments." In Jesus' response, I find my purpose in life - loving God with all my being and loving others as Jesus teaches me to love. But the greatest commandments are difficult and I need guidance to follow them.

Jesus Teaches About the Vine and the Branches (John 15: 1-2, 5) 

Jesus used several agricultural parables in his teaching. The one about the vine and the branches teaches me about how important it is to remain in Jesus - grafted into his body.

I am the true vine, and my Father is the gardener. He cuts off every branch in me that bears no fruit, while every branch that does bear fruit, he prunes so that it will be even more fruitful. I am the vine; you are the branches. If you remain in me and I in you, you will bear much fruit; apart from me you can do nothing.  

I have often worried about failing God because I have not been a great "fisher of men." But I think there is more to this fruit analogy than soul winning. God is glorified if I abide by Jesus' command to love others as he loves me. I also take comfort in his promise that if you "remain in me" you will bear much fruit. And I feel truly grateful that Jesus chose me to be a branch. But what is this fruit that Jesus wants me to produce?

Spiritual Fruit (Galatians 5:22-23)

The apostle Paul wrote that the fruit of the spirit is love, joy, peace, forbearance (patience), kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness (humility) and self-control (temperance). Love is listed first and foremost. The other spiritual fruits flow from love. 

When I first considered the words Paul listed after love, I found myself making random word associations. For example, joy and peace remind me of the Christmas spirit. Joy to the World. Peace on Earth. Kindness makes me think of specific caring people but it also makes me think of "random acts of kindness." The word goodness is a tough one because it is used so casually as a substitute for God. Oh my goodness! For goodness sake! When I think of the word patience, I am frustrated that I don't have more of it. The word faithfulness naturally brings to mind marital fidelity but the word means being steadfast, dependable and worthy of trust in any relationship.

My seemingly random walk through Paul’s list even took me to Sesame Street. I thought to myself, One Of These Things (is Not Like The Others), one of these things does not belong. What does self-control have in common with joy and peace or kindness and goodness? I was thinking of self-discipline over the body, of resisting temptations of the flesh. But exercising control over my emotions and desires, especially in difficult situations, is a reflection of love. Exercising control of the tongue is an act of love. Being patient is an act of love.

What general observations can I make about spiritual fruit? Fruit of the spirit is not seasonal; it is an eternal gift of salvation. Spiritual fruit does not produce random acts of goodness but intentional acts of love. Fruit of the spirit is powerful. To anyone who has ever been hurt by an unkind word or uplifted by kindness, the power of love is obvious. Finally, spiritual fruit must be nurtured so we can be productive and effective Christians.

  

Adding More Spiritual Fruit to My Faith

Peter wrote that Jesus has given us everything we need for a godly life but we should strive to produce more good fruit (2 Peter 1:5-8).

For this very reason, make very effort to add to your faith goodness; and to goodness, knowledge; and to knowledge, self-control, and to self-control, perseverance; and to perseverance, godliness; and to godliness, mutual affection; and to mutual affection, love. For if you possess these qualities in increasing measure, they will keep you from being ineffective and unproductive in your knowledge of our Lord Jesus Christ.

In another letter (1 Corinthians 13), Paul emphasized that love is the most important fruit. No matter what you accomplish in this life, if you do not have love, you are nothing. No matter what you possess in this world, if you do not have love, you gain nothing. Paul described love like this:

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

In this beautifully written description, love stands in stark contrast to the desires of the self. I decided to describe the other fruit of the spirit in the same way, though my descriptions are certainly not as eloquent as Paul’s. Each paragraph is an affirmation that the fruit of the spirit is an expression of love. What does it not do? What does it always do?

Love is joy; love is gladness. It does not despair, it does not complain, it is not sad. It is not depressed, it is not ungrateful, it is not easily discouraged. It keeps no record of disappointments. Love does not dwell on past regrets but looks ahead with hope. It always delights, always rejoices, always praises.

Love is peace; love is serenity. It does not fight, it does not cause discord, it is not argumentative. It does not cause dissension, it is not belligerent, it is not easily angered. Love does not delight in strife but promotes goodwill. It always pacifies, always restores, always mediates.

Love is kindness; love is compassion. It is not harsh, it is not cruel, it is not condescending. It does not disrespect, it does not insult, it does not ignore the needs of others. It always welcomes, always gives from the heart, always shows mercy.

Love is patience; love is forbearance. It does not quit, it is not easily provoked, it is not obstinate. It is not exhaustible, it is not easily frustrated, it does not fail. It always perseveres, always endures, always persists.

Love is goodness; love is morality. It does not deceive, it does not steal, it does  not cheat. It is not greedy, it is not unfair, it does not cause harm. It is always just, always righteous, always pure.

Love is faithfulness; love is devotion. It does not break promises, it does not betray trust, it is not disloyal. It does not dishonor its commitments, it is not insincere, it does not lack integrity. It is always loyal, always trustworthy, always true.

Love is humility; love is modesty. It is not arrogant, it is not proud, it does not condescend. It is not pretentious, it is not haughty, it is not pious. It is always willing to serve others, always eager to submit to God's will.

Love is temperance; love is fortitude. It is not greedy, it is not self-indulgent, it is not easily tempted. It is not profane, it is not impulsive, it not weak. It always abstains from excess, always exercises restraint, always practices moderation - especially in matters of the heart.

Behaviors, thoughts and attitudes that are inconsistent with the fruit of the spirit prevent me from loving others as Jesus commanded. So I pray, dear God that you will test me and show me the offensive ways in me. Prune me so that I will be more fruitful. Add to my faith even more fruit of the spirit.

Spiritual Gifts and the Introvert

According to the New Testament, the Holy Spirit endows each believer with spiritual gifts so that we can build the church, grow in our faith and bring glory to God. Each of us has different gifts or different functions and is an important part of the body of Christ. I have read these scriptures many times but until now have not paused to consider what my spiritual gifts might be or how I might use them.

Several years ago, the women’s ministry at my church gave me a Uniquely You Profile booklet, by Mels Carbonell, Ph.D. The booklet included a spiritual gifts questionnaire, a DiSC personality questionnaire to help you recognize the influence of your behavioral tendencies, and suggestions on how to use your spiritual gifts in church ministry.

The DiSC model of human behavior describes personality a bit differently than the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator with which I am familiar. The letters stand for Dominant, Inspiring, Cautious and Supportive and for other adjectives that conveniently begin with the same letters. Some prefer the DiSC model because it is more simplistic (and probably easier to teach and/or sell). There are four traits in the DiSC model instead of the eight traits of MBTI. Whether you describe human behavior based on how people-oriented and task-oriented people are (DiSC) or based on how they are energized, respond to their environment and make decisions (MBTI), personality assessments are useful in understanding our inclinations and motivations.

When I considered what my spiritual gifts might be, I felt discouraged and put the profile aside without finishing it. With my introverted personality, a “C/S” blend in the DiSC profile, it seemed as if I had nothing to offer, certainly not the greatest, most desirable gifts like preaching the gospel or evangelizing. Speaking to people I don't know is intimidating. I am most comfortable serving behind the scenes. And Carbonell said that Cautious types like me often have much wisdom but little "personality".

Last year, my small group studied the book of Romans using the Deepening Life Together bible study, which included a couple of pages on spiritual gifts. This gave me a bit of insight into my gifts so I finally completed the Uniquely You Profile that I had put aside years ago. Although I found some questions a bit biased towards extroverts, my answers confirmed my self-observations. I also read the scriptures and came away with a deeper understanding of how God shapes believers to use our spiritual gifts.

Spiritual Gift	Scripture Reference
Administration/Ruling	1 Corinthians 12
Apostleship	1 Corinthians 12
Discernment	1 Corinthians 12
Faith	1 Corinthians 12
Wisdom	1 Corinthians 12
Knowledge	1 Corinthians 12
Evangelism	Ephesians 4
Teaching	Ephesians 4
Pastoring/Shepherding	Ephesians 4
Encouragement	Romans 12
Giving	Romans 12
Leadership	Romans 12
Mercy	Romans 12
Preaching	Romans 12
Service	Romans 12
Hospitality	1 Peter 4: 9-10

Be Yourself, Only Better

The author of the Uniquely You booklet said "Remember, there is no bad personality. We need to accept the way we and others naturally respond as unique traits." I agree with that, however Carbonell's advice contradicts these assertions. If you are not naturally outgoing, he says you "need" to be. If you are passive with respect to task-orientation, in other words if you're not the dominant, demanding type, he says you "need" to be more aggressive.

There are certainly times when you should set aside your natural behavior, for example, to speak up when you are naturally quiet or to stop talking and listen if you are naturally chatty. But for the most part, we should be true to who we were made to be because there are some really good reasons we are not all the same. However, we should also be aware of our weaknesses and challenge ourselves to overcome them. For me, this has meant learning, with God's help, to be less judgmental, less fearful, more positive and encouraging.

The truth is, we all have lots of personality, we just express ourselves and use our talents differently. If your natural inclination is to be inwardly focused and reserved, don't let anyone tell you that you "need" to be fixed. It took me nearly fifty years to figure out that there are advantages to being an introvert just as there are advantages to being an extrovert. I now assertively embrace my uniqueness.

When you compare yourself to others, it is easy to feel discouraged, like you just don’t measure up. But when I consider the intricacy and the purposefulness of God’s design, I believe it is no accident that human beings were made with varied personalities and talents.

Now if the foot should say, "Because I am not a hand, I do not belong to the body," it would not for that reason stop being part of the body. And if the ear should say, "Because I am not an eye, I do not belong to the body," it would not for that reason stop being part of the body. If the whole body were an eye, where would the sense of hearing be? If the whole body were an ear, where would the sense of smell be? But in fact God has placed the parts in the body, every one of them, just as he wanted them to be. If they were all one part, where would the body be? As it is, there are many parts but one body.
1 Corinthians 12:14-19

We should be encouraged because God has a purpose and plan for each of us - even for those of us who find it difficult to talk to or to lead other people. Sometimes God chooses the most unlikely people to do something and when he does he provides the strength to do it.

Be a Servant

In his letter to the church at Philippi, Paul wrote “therefore if you have any encouragement from being united with Christ, if any comfort from his love, if any common sharing in the Spirit, if any tenderness and compassion, then make my joy complete by being like-minded, having the same love, being in one spirit and of one mind. Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather in humility value others above yourselves, not looking to your own interests but each of you to the interests of the others." Paul also wrote that believers should emulate Christ and take on the nature of a servant. Not everyone is gifted to be an evangelist or teacher, but anyone can be a helper.

In my search for a way to serve my church, I have been encouraged by the examples of others, especially the introverts. Every week, I see a quiet, serious-looking usher handing out bulletins and passing the collection plate. My introverted friend bakes for the church and also leads the two-year old class every week with quiet dedication. The pastor who leads the church’s caring ministry is not gregarious and talkative like our senior pastor, but he sensitively counsels those who are hurting.

I found a couple of ways to serve in my church as well. I became a group leader with the AWANA program but stopped volunteering after a couple of years because I really wasn’t gifted at leading boisterous children. It was also too much stimulation for me. Now I help with the toddler class once or twice a month. It has been a great way for me to meet many young families.

Be Transformed

It is important to understand spiritual gifts but it is even more important to use them for God's glory and to save lost souls. I believe that my strongest gifts are faith and discernment. I spend much time in prayer, thought and contemplation – in my head – so these gifts make perfect sense. Faith is my internal source of strength. I've tested and weighed the reasons for my faith yet have not been as courageous in expressing my faith as I should be. I have the ability to discern right from wrong and truth from error and to make wise decisions, yet I seldom share my insights.

What good are my spiritual gifts if I don’t share them? How valuable are these gifts if they are not tested and approved? In Romans 12:2, Paul said “Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is – his good, pleasing and perfect will.”

When I first started writing a few years ago, God opened my eyes to a couple of things. One, He made me examine my motives and goals. I had dreams of writing a novel, of being famous some day. Was this for God’s glory? No, I was conforming to the pattern of this world, seeking treasures here on earth. Now my goal in writing is to make a difference in another person's life - who that someone is I don't know, but God does. I can offer a different perspective and share what Jesus Christ has done for me. Two, I prayed that God would lead me where He wants me to be. He let me know that where I need to be now is right here, working out some spiritual issues. 

I am growing in my faith. God is actively transforming me. He has shown me that even though I do not socialize and speak with the ease of an extrovert, my words can still be used to spread the message of God’s love. I am learning to use my voice. With God's help, I can discern the truth and speak the truth, in love.