I'm Talking But Nobody's Listening!

My nephew shared a post on Facebook from a person who said that he likes the kind of person who makes direct eye contact with you and encourages you to continue speaking when you’re telling a story and everyone else is talking over you. As an introvert, I get discouraged when I have something to say and no one listens. If I were a big talker, this wouldn’t be such a big deal. But as a person of few spoken words, it makes me feel invisible and unimportant. My words are not a dime a dozen.

I’m not sure if extroverts understand this. So many times in my life, I have heard “Speak up” or “Don’t be shy.” I am soft-spoken, so I can understand that I have to speak louder to be heard if there is a lot of background noise. But when people say “don’t be shy” that seems a bit condescending to me. It makes it sound like shy is a bad thing and shows a lack of understanding about why introverts don’t speak as readily as extroverts.

Introverts are known for being quiet but that does not mean we have nothing to say. Our minds are full of words. I often imagine having conversations with someone but most often those conversations never take place. That’s probably because real conversations are generally spontaneous and not scripted. Introverts often need time to compose our thoughts. We don’t speak spontaneously or off the cuff.

Introverts are also known for disliking small talk. Usually, I do not mind making small talk with strangers because I am friendly and the encounters are brief – while I am on the elevator, for example. There have even been a couple of times in my life where I have had such a good time chatting with a stranger that I wouldn’t mind getting to know them better. But I still find it difficult to progress into something more interesting than small talk with people I don’t know well.

I have learned that like other introverts, I hate to interrupt people when they are speaking. This explains much of my hesitation to speak up in a group. It can be difficult to get a word in edgewise. I also feel uncomfortable when everyone is looking at me. I think every introvert has had the experience of speaking and having your words go unnoticed. It makes you feel invisible. 

So I have this request for extroverts: Encourage an introvert. Don't get so absorbed in what you have to say that you don't notice the quiet people around you. Make eye contact. Ask a question to draw them out. Listen. 

No More Barefoot Walking!

My foot pain started twenty years ago with a bunion on my right foot. I wore custom orthotics for several years, then had surgery. I had to wear an obnoxious boot for several weeks but was soon able to resume my normal activities without pain, including running. At the time, my one regret was that I let the doctor operate on both my big toe and my small toe. After the surgery, my little piggy was much shorter. It was stiff and practically immovable and made me self-conscious when wearing sandals. 

Several years after my bunionectomy, I started having pain in the ball of my foot. I went to a different podiatrist. He explained the mechanical issues that were causing the pain. My big toe is now shorter than the second toe which causes the middle toes to bear too much of my weight. He prescribed orthotics. I soon found them too impractical to wear with my every day shoes, though they fit well in my athletic shoes. So I ordered a second pair of orthotics for dress shoes.

I later returned to the podiatrist because I was having a burning pain at the base of my toes. I remember how painful it was to walk even in flat shoes. It was excruciating! He gave me a cortisone shot that did not provide any relief. He also suggested that I use foam toe separators to keep my toes from pushing against each other. The toe separators did seem to help and I still use them. A friend recommended using yoga toes to stretch my foot so I tried those too.

I was good about wearing my orthotics for several years, then I convinced myself that they weren't doing any good. I still had the pain in my toes. I was convinced that I had a Morton's neuroma. I also disliked running with rigid orthotics in my shoes. I run on trails in the spring and summer and wanted to feel the ground with my feet. To keep the pain manageable, I stopped attending an outdoor exercise class that included hill runs because that hurt my toes. And running on uneven grass jars my foot too much and makes it feel like my toes are being ripped apart.

Then this year, I did something impulsive when I visited our new Road Runner Sports store. I bought a pair of Brooks True Grit trail running shoes, a lighter shoe with a lower heel-to-toe drop than my normal stability shoe. Walking in them in the store, I liked the way the shoe seemed to propel me forward and the way the upper part of the shoes wrapped around my foot. I was also tempted by the minimalist shoe movement, which suggests that a lower drop will keep a runner from heel striking. The True Grit shoes were not as rugged as the Asics I usually wear, so I was concerned about how well the shoes would grip on rocks and gravel. I avoided wearing them on certain trails.

Although I didn't have any mishaps with the minimal shoes, they weren't a good idea for me. I had pain in my toes all summer and even in the fall, long after I stopped trail running. I went on vacation in November and walked a lot. It hurt to walk, even when I slipped my old orthotics back in my shoes. So I decided to make an appointment with a highly recommended podiatrist, John McGarry, who also happens to be an ultra runner. He understands the desire to get better so you can run.

Dr. McGarry took X-rays of my foot and came back with the same diagnosis I heard years before from my old podiatrist: I have a mechanical problem caused by the length of my toes. The only way to treat this non-surgically is with orthotics. The doctor said the pain will not go away completely but supporting my foot will help. My old orthotics still have a couple of years of use in them but I ordered a new pair.

20 years of orthotics

When I picked up the new orthotics, the doctor reiterated what he had told me before but threw in something else that took me by surprise - avoid going barefoot. I always go barefoot at home or at least in my socks or bedroom slippers. I am now doing my best to wear slip-on shoes with orthotics when I walk around the house.

Twenty years of battling foot problems has taught me a few things. Comfort is certainly more important than fashion. Surgery may make bunions feel better temporarily but it can lead to other problems years later. You can learn a lot about medical conditions by doing your own research, but self-diagnose at your own risk. And don't be tempted by the latest fad in running shoes.