Seeing the World Through Grace-Filled Eyes

Amazing grace! How sweet the sound
That saved a wretch like me!
I once was lost, but now am found;
Was blind but now I see.

'Twas grace that taught my heart to fear,
And grace my fears relieved;
How precious did that grace appear
The hour I first believed.

A couple of months ago, Christian author Philip Yancey spoke at my church on the topic of his book, Vanishing Grace: What Ever Happened to the Good News? He said that public opinion of Christians has fallen dramatically since the 1990's. Many unsaved people don't see grace in Christ's followers. Why is that? Why have Christians become so judgmental and legalistic that millions of people miss out on hearing the sweet sound of grace? 

The Parable of the River

In the Grip of Grace, author Max Lucado tells a parable based on the first chapter of Romans. Five sons lived in a castle with their father. The father warned his sons to stay away from the river lest they be swept away by the raging current. The eldest son was obedient. The four youngest ignored the father's command. They fell into the river and were swept away to a distant land.

The four brothers tried to get back home but it was impossible. They sat around the fire every day remembering their father and oldest brother. Eventually, one brother decided to make himself at home in the strange land, living among the savages and adopting their ways. A second brother spent his time on a hillside watching over this brother, finding fault with his behavior and keeping track of his wrongs. After all, someone needed to tell Father what he was up to. Eventually, a third brother got busy stacking stones, trying to build a path back to their father. It was clearly an impossible task, yet he kept at it. The last brother did not give up hope of being rescued. He waited patiently by the fire.

One day the brother who waited heard the voice of the eldest brother. The older brother said "Father has sent me to bring you home." The younger brother explained why the others weren't waiting with him. So the eldest sought out the other brothers to tell them he was there to take them back home. He could not convince the other three to come with him, even though they missed their father.

I loved this simple parable because it illustrates four different responses to grace. The first is Hedonism, believing that the pursuit of pleasure is the sole purpose of life. Hedonists are too busy indulging themselves and satisfying the desires of today to pay attention to God. The second response to grace is Legalism. Legalists are so busy working to save themselves that they miss out on God's grace and do not understand that they will never earn it. The third response to grace is Judgmentalism. Judgers keep busy too, comparing themselves to others in an attempt to distract the Father from their sins. The fourth response to grace is acceptance - trusting God to save you.

In reality, I think many of us resemble more than one of the brothers in the river parable. I struggle not to be judgmental or too proud of my own righteousness. I struggle not to compare myself to others. Do I follow the rules to earn God's favor or to please him? I often work really hard trying to fix my sins rather than falling onto God's grace and seeking his guidance.

Amazing Grace Saved a Wretch Like Me

Grace is the undeserved favor of God's love and forgiveness. Grace is God being merciful and compassionate. Grace is God seeing us as redeemable. Grace is God freeing us from the bondage of sin and enabling us to be who he wants us to be.

We all sin and fall short of who God wants us to be. We lie, cheat, steal or covet what someone else has. We're selfish, greedy and proud. We are impatient, unkind and easily angered. But God loves us so much in spite of our sin, that he humbled himself and became one of us to save us from the consequences of our sin. For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life (John 3:16). Through Jesus, and the amazing gift called grace, God offers the world salvation. 

Grace comes with a catch - it must be accepted to be received. God's grace is available to all but accepted by few. Accepting grace requires recognition of your sinfulness and need for redemption. It requires repentance - a turning away from the life you knew before Christ. 

Philip Yancey told the story of a friend who believed that since God forgives sin, it is okay to go on sinning. I think that's a common misconception. The apostle Paul asked, "Shall we go on sinning so that grace may increase?" His emphatic response - "By no means!" If we truly and humbly accept God's grace, we are to consider ourselves "dead to sin but alive to God in Christ Jesus." A person who has been redeemed by grace offers himself as an instrument of righteousness because he is now under God's grace. He is no longer a slave to sin but bound to Christ.

Religion Without Grace Is Not a Pretty Sight

In What's So Amazing About Grace, Philip Yancey said that politics tempts the church to trade grace for power. I agree that something ugly often happens when religion is mixed with politics. Politicians often lack basic human compassion and mercy. They just don't understand what grace is.

Politics, which always runs by the rules of ungrace, allures us to trade away grace for power, a temptation the church as often been unable to resist. - Philip Yancey

When the Supreme Court ruled in favor of same sex marriage, I recall reading that it was a sad day for Christianity. Not true. The good news will always be the good news - Jesus still loves sinners and he still saves souls. But it is not good when people who claim to love God turn people away from Jesus Christ by condemning them. The county clerk in Kentucky who was jailed for refusing to issue marriage licenses is a perfect example. What a shame that people miss out on seeing God's grace when we as sinners point fingers at other sinners.

Yancey said that when the Church demonstrates "a spirit of moral superiority," it shuts out grace. When Christians become legalistic, they concern themselves with trivial matters and ignore more important issues like justice and mercy. Being judgmental also leads to hypocrisy, which is nothing more than an attempt to hide internal sins by focusing on the external image. Unfortunately, it also hides our own need for God's grace.

In his book, Yancey said, "Church should be a haven for people who feel terrible about themselves." It should be a haven from our culture - a light in the darkness. Our culture focuses on outward appearances and tangible measures of success. Our culture tells us to look out for number one. Our culture tells us to do unto others before they do unto you. Our culture is graceless; Christians should not be. We need grace-healed eyes - grace-filled eyes - to see other people as God sees them.

Seeing the World Through Grace-Filled Eyes

How can we learn to see people as God sees them? After all, some people are much more lovable than others. We're not all pleasant and easy to get along with. Some people are downright annoying!

1. Understand your own continuing need for grace.

Awareness of your sinfulness opens the door to receiving grace from God but it also opens the door to dispensing grace to others. In Mere Christianity, C.S. Lewis wrote about a maturing kind of faith that comes after you have been a Christian awhile. You've practiced being a Christian and failed. Then you see that even if you were perfect, you would "only be giving back to God what was already God's own." You can never repay God and you cannot grow as a Christian if you don't see your own state of "bankruptcy" and continuing need for God's grace. No matter how hard you try to behave like you ought to behave, you find that you cannot do it alone. You're always running a deficit. But the good thing about being "in the grip of grace" is that you are free to be honest with God about your sinfulness and you open yourself up to being transformed.

See if there is any offensive way in me and lead me in the way everlasting. - Psalm 139:24

2. Love others as you love yourself.

The golden rule sounds simple but it is not. In reading Jesus' commandment to love your neighbor as yourself, I have thought I could spend a lifetime learning how. It is not that I have such a great love of myself, but some people just aren't likable!

C.S. Lewis took this issue apart in a way that brought clarity to me. How is it that I love myself when sometimes I don't even like myself? Mostly, I think of myself as a nice person, but sometimes I am downright nasty! When I am at my worst, I loathe myself for the things I do. So to love my neighbor as I love myself does not mean that I have to be especially fond of him or that I have to think he is a nice person. I have looked at myself with shame and loathing yet still find a way to love myself. So I am allowed to loathe the things my neighbor does as well.

Loving another person, when there is nothing lovable about him, means separating out the bad behavior from the human being and hoping that somehow he can be changed to be more lovable. It is hoping, that like me, he can be redeemed. It is giving him another chance. And another and another, just like I give myself another chance when I behave badly.

Admittedly, it is much easier to love the people that you naturally like. C.S. Lewis said "Do not waste time bothering whether you 'love' your neighbor; act as if you did." Then you will discover a great secret - you will eventually learn to love him.

So how do you "act as if" you love someone? In the book of Colossians, Paul wrote about how we are to live as followers of Christ:

Therefore, as God's chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience. Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you. And over all these virtues, put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity.

3. Forgive as you have been forgiven.

When Jesus said that loving your neighbor was the second greatest commandment (after loving God with all your heart and soul), he explained that all the other commandments flow from these two commands. So forgiveness flows from love but it is worth exploring separately because un-forgiveness is a huge barrier to grace.

Philip Yancey points out that Jesus linked our forgiveness to our forgiving others. This comes straight out of the Lord's Prayer. Forgive us our sins as we forgive those who sin against us. Jesus makes our forgiveness conditional on our first forgiving others.

But let's admit it. We do not forgive easily because forgiveness is not fair. We want justice. We nurse our grievances. We punish others for hurting us. We look for evidence that the wrongdoer is as bad as we think they are. Sometimes we even want God to avenge those who do wrong against us. On the other hand, when we do something wrong to another person, we don't want to admit it. We rationalize our own behavior to avoid forgiveness. We think we ought to be excused.

When we don't forgive, resentment builds and takes up too much of our thoughts. If you don't forgive, you are bound in a toxic way to the person you don't forgive. Someone said that resentment is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die. Ann Landers said, "Hanging onto resentment is letting someone you despise live rent-free in your head." Forgiveness is the only way to free yourself from the imprisonment of constantly rehashing grievances.

Forgiveness is not forgetting the wrong or excusing it. It is giving up the desire for justice and leaving the issue of fairness to God. It is trusting that God is a better judge than I am.

The Challenge: See to it that no one misses out on God's Grace

Philip Yancey challenged the audience to "see to it that no one misses out on God's grace" (Hebrews 12:15). As I listened to him talk about Christians who dispense God's grace - in humanitarian ways and in everyday interactions with others - I felt ashamed of myself. In a moment of selfish annoyance, I had sent a snarky email to a coworker that week. As I said, sometimes I am a wretch.

But I humbly accept this challenge knowing that God, in his infinite wisdom, chose to dispense the amazing gift of grace through flawed believers like me. These times are challenging. We are confronted with graceless behavior everyday. I do not want to be conformed to this graceless world but to be transformed by Jesus Christ. I don't want anyone to miss out on God's love and forgiveness because of me.

As you have individually been given a gift of grace, dispense it to each other like good stewards of the complex grace of God.  (1st Peter 4:10, Richmond Lattimore translation)

Changing My Vocabulary

I wrote this essay a year and half ago after a mass shooting but did not publish it. I have grown both numb from senseless violence and weary of hearing the same excuses for doing nothing. On average, more than 32,000 people die a year from gun violence. Admittedly, most are not mass shootings; more than half are suicides. That does not make the deaths any less tragic. For many Americans, these deaths are a worthy price to pay for liberty. Not for me.

This week my emotions have run from grief to anger to frustration and hopelessness. Too close to my home, three people were killed and several more were injured by a shooter in Colorado Springs. A week later, in San Bernardino, we had the second deadliest shooting since Newtown, CT. 

When a local news organization posted the simple word "Enough" on Facebook, it was criticized for expressing an opinion. Would gun lovers be happy if the news media offered equal coverage to people who haven't had enough of mass killings? Gun lovers have chimed in on social media once again to say that we should all be armed. Again, that is not for me. I will not arm myself to take another person's life.

Changing My Vocabulary

One of my Facebook friends, a lover of Killing Tools, shared an offensive cartoon questioning why the National Killing Tool Association is at fault for a mass shooting.

So yet another liberal left-wing whack job goes on yet another fatal mass shooting spree because he couldn't get laid and that's the NRA's fault??? Jeez, it's no wonder liberalism's regarded as a mental disorder.

Evidently, this powerful organization's members/supporters think the NRA is the victim of killing tool violence - not the people who have actually lost their lives at the hands of someone using the tools they promote. They also seem to think that people who cling to their right to bear killing tools are conservative and sane, while those of us who favor commonsense killing tool controls, like universal background checks, are liberal left-wing whack jobs that are also committing the very crimes we want to prevent. Not only is that offensive, it makes no sense.

What does make sense is to try to understand the reasons behind the increasing killing tool violence in this country. Why is it that some people can't handle the normal disappointments of life and feel the need to strike out at the world? I wondered about that fifteen years ago when two young men killed twelve students and a teacher at Columbine High School. At the time, the motive for that massacre was thought to be revenge for bullying. Yet kids were bullied and rejected when I was in school and they did not resort to murder.

How would I rewrite the offensive Facebook post using my new vocabulary?

Yet another disturbed young man strikes out in anger, taking the lives of others with easily obtainable killing tools. What kind of values did he learn in this land of liberty? How did he learn to value individual liberty more than life itself?

Killing tool advocates don't seem to be disturbed by the senseless loss of life at the hands of people who use killing tools for their intended purpose. No, they are instead mentally disturbed at the mere suggestion of restrictions on their ability to own killing tools. Even the lives of twenty innocent children at Sandy Hook was not enough to move them to compassion for their fellow man.

I am not a Democrat but I love liberally. I feel sorrow every time one of these mass shootings happens. I feel sorrow when a person armed with a killing tool murders even one person. I am repulsed by the actions of groups like Open Carry Texas who carry weapons to Target and other public establishments. What are they trying to prove? That they're the good guys? It's not working. Good guys use weapons as public servants or to defend their families at home, not to install fear in fellow shoppers and diners.

I believe that killing tool violence in the United States of America is a dark, deadly symptom of a culture that places individual rights about life itself. One of the favorite phrases of killing tool lovers is from my cold, dead hands. What better evidence is there of misplaced priorities?

***************

Enough Already, Let's Learn Something This Time

The November issue of Readers Digest had an article called Finding and Stopping the Next Mass Shooter. A young man nicknamed "Trunk" was arrested eleven years ago with a military-grade rifle and 2,000 rounds of ammunition. Fortunately, he was stopped before he committed a mass shooting. In prison, he had plenty of time to reflect and he provided some insight into the mindset of those who commit such evil acts. When he was in high school he thought no one liked him. He started thinking of other people as losers and of himself as special and powerful. He told himself he was an outcast. There were 14 guns in his home. His father, a member of the NRA, believed in "the God-given right to bear arms," which "fueled his thinking" that God wanted him to have a gun.

Near the end of the article, a man who works in a threat assessment unit of the FBI said that people like this need "alternatives to violence." Too many Americans think that there is no alternative to violence - that the only way to stop a bad guy with a gun is a good guy with a gun. But today, anyone with a grievance and a weapon can easily become a bad guy.

I can't claim to have all the answers but I have come to the brilliant conclusion that our culture is really messed up. Our priorities are wrong. There is no "God given right" to bear arms - it is a man made right that is turning us against each other. The answer to violence is love and peace. 

Genesee Mountain Trail Loop

My friend John recommended that we hike the trails at Genesee Park, a short drive from Denver. He suggested hiking the American Bison and Genesee Mountain Trail loop, with an out and back side trip up Genesee Summit to the Flagstaff Trail. The total distance is just under 2 miles with about 370 feet of elevation gain.

To get to the trail head, drive west on I-70 to the Genesee Park exit, exit 254. Turn left to drive over the highway, then turn right. Drive up one mile to the parking lot on your right. From the parking lot, go up the steps to the Genesee Mountain Trail sign. Turn right at the sign to hike the loop (shown below) counter-clockwise.

At about 0.2 miles, turn left to go up the American Bison trail. This trail is forested and you can hear the sounds of I-70 traffic for awhile. The second time I hiked this section of trail, I heard the sound of elk running across the trail and caught a glimpse of them through the trees. 

The American Bison trail goes west for awhile, then turns south. On your right, you can see the fence that surrounds the area where the bison are kept.

Follow the American Bison Trail to the end, at about 0.8 miles. At the end, turn left onto Genesee Mountain Trail. After a short distance, you will see a fork in the trail with a sign on the left that says "To Genesee Summit Trail." Follow the sign on the left.

Trail Junction

At the one mile mark, there will be another Genesee Summit Trail sign. Turn left to go up the trail.

After about a quarter of a mile, you will reach a dirt parking area. Cross the parking area to the Genesee Mountain Flagstaff Trail. There is a small outhouse just below the trail. It is a short distance up Flagstaff trail to the flag, which is donated to the City and County of Denver annually by the Peace Pipe Chapter D.A.R.

Return down the Genesee Summit Trail to the trail junction. At the junction, turn left onto Genesee Mountain Trail. (Turning right will take you back down to the American Bison Trail). At the top of the Genesee Mountain Trail, cross the road. 

Across the road, you will see another Genesee Mountain Trail sign with an arrow showing that the trail goes both directions. Turn left to return back to the parking lot, which is only about .35 miles down the trail. (If you turn right at the sign, the trail will take you back to the fork in the trail pictured above).

On another hike, instead of turning left onto American Bison, I continued on Genesee Mountain trail which follows about a mile along the Genesee Trail Road. At the end, I could see the bison in the distance.

Sure of what I hope for and certain of what I do not see

I shared a post on Facebook that admits that people of faith may have doubts. "Faith isn't the absence of doubt. It's saying, 'My reasons for believing are greater than my reasons for doubt.'" My friend Brian said it is hard to explain his reasons for believing. My atheist friend Tim commented that the reason most people have for believing is that heaven sounds much better than a "dirt nap." My brother David noted that is so difficult for our limited minds to comprehend an invisible, supremely intelligent creator that many people take the easy way out and don't examine their faith.

Why Doubt is a Good Thing

Many people are too wrapped up in their daily lives to think much about spiritual matters. Many of us don't know how to defend our faith when ridiculed or questioned by skeptics. We're afraid we'll sound stupid. Others are afraid to examine their faith. What if I find out something that stops me from believing?

Timothy Keller, in The Reason for God, says "faith without some doubts is like a human body without any antibodies in it." If you don't question yourself about why you believe what you believe you will be unprepared to defend your faith. The criticism of Christianity from non-believers in my own family motivated me to prepare a defense of my faith on my blog. The process of examining my faith strengthened it and made me more determined to share it, much to the consternation of friends who wish this quiet person would shut up about faith.

My Perspective on Faith

I first believed in God and Jesus as a child, at an age when admittedly, people are more open to belief. My faith lifted me through childhood struggles with financial instability, the divorce of my parents, and a lack of self-esteem. As I became more self-confident as a young adult, I stopped going to church. I still believed in God but missed feeling his presence in my life. The shootings at Columbine High School were the catalyst that got me out of my spiritual complacency and onto a path of spiritual growth. Ironically, it was my agnostic husband who encouraged me to go back to church.

As an adult, my reasons for believing range from the scientific to spiritual, from an acceptance of proven, objective facts to an unshakable trust in my own intelligence, feelings, and perception. As an introvert, I am energized by thinking about deep issues like religion and the meaning of life. With a Sensing, Thinking and Judging temperament, I put more weight into facts and logic than feelings. I interpret the world based on what I see and experience and not so much on what I imagine might be. (I read the book Heaven by Randy Alcorn but could not get into his speculation about the hereafter). And the Judging part of me always weighs the relative rightness and wrongness of everything.

It's Science

Though many non-believers think that Christians are anti-science, my logical mind loves both math and science (especially life sciences). The creation story in Genesis is cause for doubt if you take the six days literally; I don't. I don't think the author of Genesis intended for it to be taken as a scientific description of creation. Yes, the book of Genesis credits God with creating the heavens and earth and all forms of life. But the key message I get from the creation story is not scientific but moral: man was created in God's image with the will to choose. And the close relationship man had with God in the beginning was broken because of disobedience.

The certainty I find in scientific laws appeals to my desire for order - the universal law of gravitation, Newton's laws of motion, the speed of light, the freezing point of water. I don't have to be smart enough to prove these things are true to trust or see that they are true and to understand that a world without these constants would be a world far more chaotic and less advanced scientifically than it is. I go about my life everyday not thinking about the forces that keep me from floating off into space or about the chemical reactions in my body that keep me living. Yet they are there, unknowable with my senses.

On a purely emotional level, I am in awe of the beauty of nature. I also appreciate the beauty in numbers and the beauty of numbers in nature. Can these patterns be an accident - the results of impersonal, random forces? I don't think so.

I find it interesting that the same people who ridicule Christianity as a pagan belief system believe a modern day myth - Darwin's theory of evolution. How many years would it take to evolve from a single cell organism to a complex, intelligent, tool-using creature like modern man? How did the many species of mammals, amphibians, reptiles, plants, fish, etc. evolve separately in ways that benefit mankind?

I typed the question "How did species evolve in mutually beneficial ways?" on Google. This search took me to a book called The New Genesis: Theology and the Genetic Evolution (Ronald Cole-Turner) where I found this example of evolutionary theorizing:

Through this symbiotic interaction, both species in the relationship evolve. The human evolution occurs primarily as cultural evolution, while the genetic structure of the plants evolves. The edible plants benefited greatly by allowing themselves to be eaten, thereby inducing human beings to distribute and protect them. Human beings benefited by serving or cultivating the plants.

People who have faith in evolution make claims about how distinct life forms might have evolved given billions of years of genetic mutations. In Debunking Evolution: Problems between the theory and reality, the author wrote, "Evolutionists are eternally optimistic. They believe that millions of beneficial mutations built every type of creature that ever existed." There is so much complexity and variety in the design of organisms that I can't take the leap of faith that macroevolution requires. Our culture so readily accepts the theory of natural selection that it is frequently used to explain behavior with no evidence. But people and animals behave in many ways that are not in their best interest for survival.

Reading about evidence of fine-tuning of the universe for life, I am convinced that the precision required for life to exist is no accident. Even atheists admit that fine-tuning suggests intelligent design. Yet atheist scientists want so much for there to be no god that they promote an alternate theory. Perhaps there are thousands of universes. Then there could potentially be more than one planet precisely calibrated to support life.

Consider also DNA. How amazing it is that every cell of our bodies contains a script for life? I marvel that this intelligent language that I cannot see or sense inside me determines my physical appearance, susceptibility to disease, personality, and intelligence. It proves I'm me and no one else. How probable is it that this detailed code passed on and modified through the generations is the impersonal work of nature?

I think we all see evidence of God, but for a variety of reasons, people choose to ignore or deny God's existence. Reasons include pride - the desire to be your own god - and anger that life (God) isn't treating you the way you think it (He) should. "For since the creation of the world God's invisible qualities - his eternal power and divine nature - have been clearly seen, being understood from what has been made, so that people are without excuse." (Romans 1:20, NIV)

The Deep-Seated Desire for Meaning

I am not just a thinker; I am a spiritual being. I want life to have meaning and purpose. I want to know why I am here. Why are any of us here? Most of us will not leave a lasting legacy in our brief time on this planet. Why do we struggle so much for achievement or to make a difference in the world?

In believing in God, I find meaning and purpose. In God, I see a perfect, moral ideal in a world in which people behave destructively and selfishly. No one I know does good perfectly; not one. But most of us have this sense that there is an absolutely right way to behave - honestly and with integrity, treating others as you would want to be treated. (Unless we fail to uphold these ideals ourselves; then we make excuses).

The doubter in me has to admit that there is pain and suffering, injustice and evil. Why would a loving God allow that? Why doesn't God answer my prayers, especially when I am praying for the good of another person? My faith has taught me that I will not know the answers to all these questions in my lifetime. Instead I trust that God will make all things work together for the ultimate good of those who love him, just as he promised. It is in our weakest moments that God's power is made perfect.

In the mess of a world I live in, I find hope in the Messiah - the promised savior. To me there is credible evidence that Jesus was a real person who performed miraculous deeds and taught some really radical things. Forgive your enemies. Bless those who curse you. He also claimed to be God.

A man who was merely a man and said the sort of things Jesus said would not be a great moral teacher. He would either be a lunatic - on a level with the man who says he is a poached egg - or else he would be the Devil of Hell. You must make your choice. - CS Lewis

Non-believers often use the hypocrisy and self-righteousness of Christians as evidence against God. I understand the criticism because if a person claims to believe in Jesus there ought to be a change in behavior. But in blaming God for the fallibility of man, people miss the central point of Christianity - God's grace. We're all broken and fall short of perfect morality. It's just not humanly possible, even for believers.

I imagine life on this earth as a novel or play that goes on and on with so many seemingly unconnected plot lines, it's hard to see where the story is going. The author lets the characters write their own stories. He provides moral guidance but doesn't force them to do anything they don't want to do even if he knows the story won't end well. He sees the struggles and the suffering but rarely intervenes unless invited. But in an amazing twist, he interjected himself into the story in a very unexpected way, becoming a humble character. He walked among them, struggled just as they did, and sacrificed himself as a path to redemption.

The Long and Short of It

I put much thought into explaining why my reasons for believing outweigh my reasons for doubt. Simply put, the complexity of the universe and all of creation staggers my limited human mind. There are so many hints of a supreme intelligence behind creation - things both seen and unseen. I find it inconceivable this handiwork could possibly be the result of impersonal, natural causes. 

You can't have faith without risk. But I don't have faith because I gamble on the hereafter or because I've been given the key to all of life's mysteries. I have faith because my trust has been rewarded with the assurance of God's love and presence. Faith allows me to approach an omnipresent, omnipotent, omniscient God with confidence.

Reasons to Believe	Reasons to Doubt
Evidence of order in the universe	God is not discernible with my five senses
Fine-tuning of the universe for life	God allows pain, suffering and injustice
Complexity and diversity of life	God permits evil
Awe and wonder at the beauty of creation	God doesn't answer all of my prayers
DNA - an intelligent code inside each of us	Creation surely took longer than 6 days
Perfect, absolute morality, unattainable by man
Emmanuel (God with Us)
Longing for meaning and purpose
Personal testimonials
Personal sense of God’s presence

Alberta Falls, Mills and Jewel Lakes

My husband wanted to hike somewhere different in late August, so we drove to Rocky Mountain National Park for a day hike. We have visited the park many times over the years, but usually only hike there when staying overnight for a few days in Estes Park. I found a list of popular RMNP hikes on the National Park website. We only wanted to hike 5-6 miles so I chose the Alberta Falls and Mills Lake hikes. In researching the trails on the ProTrails website, I learned that Jewel Lake is not much further.

The trail to the falls and lakes starts from the Glacier Gorge Trailhead, which is on Bear Lake Road, about eight miles from the Beaver Meadows entrance station. The Rocky Mountain Hiking Trails website warns that this is a popular area and you might have to take the park shuttle. We arrived at the parking lot about 6:45 am and snagged the last parking spot in the lot.

The trail to Alberta Falls and Mills Lake is well marked. After about half a mile, the trail splits off to the right towards Bear Lake. Turn left at this junction. The falls, only .9 miles into the hike, are named for Alberta, the wife of one of the parks early founders, Abner Sprague. The name immediately brought the Eric Clapton song Alberta to my mind. (Alberta, Alberta, where you been so long?)

Alberta Falls

At the junction of the North Longs Peak trail, pictured below, turn right. On the way to Mills, we passed another trail junction (not pictured) that takes you to Loch Vale or Lake Haiyaha.

North Longs Peak Trail Junction

This late in the summer, there were not a lot of wildflowers. I saw Heartleaf Arnica in the forest, Alpine Fireweed next to the creek, and Pearly Everlasting near Mills Lake. The forest had the delightfully strong scent of pine. One of the hikers we passed on our way back, said it smelled like Christmas!

Arnica

When you get close to the lakes, you will cross some large slabs of granite.

Both lakes were really peaceful and beautiful. Between Mills and Jewel Lakes, wood planks crossed what is evidently a marshy area in the spring and early summer. I've read that most hikers don't go all the way to the lakes, even though they aren't that far. This introvert was thankful for the lack of crowds at the lakes; the traffic really picked up on our way back down to the trail head. 

According to Trail Wiki, the image on the Colorado state quarter is the view from Mills Lake to Longs Peak.  I can't write about Mills Lake - especially on the 100th anniversary of the dedication of Rocky Mountain National Park - without praising Enos Mills (1870-1922). He was the man credited with convincing Congress how important it was to set aside this beautiful party of our country for a national park.

Mills Lake

Plank trail to Jewel Lake

Jewel Lake

This was a really lovely hike though I am glad that we got an early start to miss the crowds.

A Letter to My Beloved Sister

Dear Kansas, I know it's been a long time since you've heard from your little sis. Time flies when you're 139. But as you've probably heard, I'm pretty busy over here and a little worse for the wear and tear.

The last time I wrote to you, I was worried because some of your citizens were so upset about your portrayal in "The Wizard of Oz," I was afraid they might do something drastic to change your image. The last thing I wanted you to do was gussy yourself up so people would trample all over you and spoil your beauty like they have my own purple mountain majesties.

Here the tourist thing continues to make me feel like a scarlet state. Colored Red indeed. Social media has made things even worse. My glamour shots are posted everywhere and bloggers tell everyone to come ogle me and trample all over my curves. I've tried to tell the public that certain parts of me are fragile and need to be protected but they still act like I'm theirs for the taking. I'm losing the wild in my wilderness and it hasn't made me a happy camper. 

It still bugs me that people overlook you! I don't understand why they don't appreciate your spacious skies and amber waves of grain. How I envy the subtle beauty of your Tallgrass Prairies! Being flat-chested is not such a bad thing. You still have your purity. Like I told you years ago, you can't make yourself available to everyone and still keep your self respect.

Since I wrote to you last, you seem to have decided that if you can't beat them, join them! Good for you! Wamego is capitalizing on Frank Baum's fairy tale with an Oz Museum and OZtoberFest. How clever! And, oh how you have made me laugh with your offbeat landmarks! The world's largest ball of twine! I can't say I blame you for tempting a few people off the road with your country charms.

Sis, I'm so thankful that we've remained close even though we squabble about things once in awhile. We fought about water rights to "OurKansas" river for many years. And now some of your sheriffs have joined sisters Nebraska and Oklahoma (the reason you're so darn windy) in suing me for legalizing recreational marijuana. Do you remember that when you were declared the winner in our water fight, you complained that you didn't want money, you wanted water? Well, if you win this fight, do you want money or pot?

Kidding aside, I didn't intend for it to go this far. I just wanted to help people with medical issues. A real Rocky Mountain high can't be found in cannabis. It's in the serenity of a clear blue mountain lake or the quiet solitude of a pine forest. And now I know how you feel when people make fun of you. I have been the butt of lots of jokes. I've been publicly shamed by the governor of our much older sister, New Jersey, who tells everybody the quality of life in my state is really bad now. It's not as bad as he says, but still, this is not how I want to be known.

Nowadays, I'm trying really hard to figure out how to protect my kids. Which brings me to the real reason your adoring little sister is writing this time. I am also worried about your kids. From way over here, I hear your citizens complaining about your governor, about how his drastic tax cuts are hurting public education. I can talk for days about the importance of protecting natural resources but there is no greater resource than our kids! I hope you'll think about what's going to happen if you let ambitious politicians drive your public schools into the ground.

Sister, I will always remember that a part of me, my eastern parts, were once a part of you. I would love nothing more than sit with you and listen to the thunder or to sit quietly watching the fireflies. I don't have lightening bugs, you know.

I must close now and go put out a fire.

Your loving sister,

COLORADO

******

This letter was inspired by a man named Jack Kisling (1930-1998), a columnist who wrote for The Denver Post. Many years ago, I cut out a reprint of Kisling's June 25, 1978 "Here's Denver" column, titled "I wouldn't kid my sister." It was a wonderfully funny tribute to the state I grew up in. I recently found the clipping tucked away in a box, yellow with age. His sentiments are as true today as they were back then.

I can tell by the way my air feels that my looks are fading, and still they consider me the great beauty of the West and the waiting line grows longer instead of shorter. Where is it all going to end?

  

Understanding the Introvert at Work

Are you sociable with your work colleagues or do you keep to yourself? Do you interact with a lot of people or just a few? Do you take breaks just to talk to people? Are you eager to answer the phone or do you let calls go to voicemail? Are you easy to approach or reserved? In conversation, do you say anything that comes to mind or do you have to think before speaking? Do you prefer to express your thoughts in conversation or writing?

These are the kinds of questions that get at whether you have a more introverted or extroverted personality. I am decidedly in the introverted camp. I will chat a bit with the people I see around the office but I rarely go out of my way to talk to others. I keep to myself and prefer to interact with colleagues by email. I answer the phone if I know the caller but will let a call go to voicemail if I don't recognize the number. I used to think maybe I should try to be different but the truth is, I am content to sit quietly at my desk and get down to business.

Communicating

Introverts are usually better listeners than speakers. We prefer conversing with one or two people at a time. We do not like to interrupt a speaker and get frustrated when others talk over us. In Conversing with Extroverts 101, the introverted blogger expressed her frustration with extroverts' fast paced conversations and habit of interrupting. In contrast, introverted conversation is like a jazz concert - each player waits his turn to solo.

I've read that extroverts speak to think but introverts think before we speak. Innies struggle to find the right words quickly so we often hesitate to speak for fear of sounding stupid. Marti Olsen Laney, Psy. D. (The Introvert Advantage), explains that for the introvert, information moves more slowly between the areas of the brain associated with language. We use long-term memory and must make the right word association from stored memories to select the right words. Being put on the spot can make us anxious because we need time to respond intelligently. According to Laney, the process of writing uses different pathways in the introverted brain so written words flow much more fluently.

Introverts often know more about a subject than we reveal to others and we may have to be specifically asked for our opinions and ideas. But saying "don't be shy" or "speak up" doesn't work with me. That's like saying "don't be the kind of person whose brain works like an introvert." Sorry, but I like my brain just the way it is!

For the introverted worker, office email is a double-edged sword. Yes, it is preferable for those of us who prefer writing to speaking; email allows us to compose our thoughts. But the benefits of email come at a cost - constant interruptions. Email is also distracting to me because I feel compelled to control the number of emails in my inbox for fear of not attending to one that requires a response. I also prefer instant messaging to talking, but sometimes one-on-one conversations get to the point more quickly than messaging. I also find instant messaging more intrusive than email because the expectation is that I must respond in an instant.

At my company, we have employees in multiple offices across the country. I frequently work on projects, which means there are a lot of conference calls. Meetings interrupt the work I'd rather be doing and in my opinion, often don't accomplish much. I can be easily distracted with thoughts of other things I'd rather be doing, or by other things I actually am doing while I am on the phone, or by background noise. Because I can't see who is speaking, I can't gauge the right time to chime in even if I wanted to. I also need time to digest information to decide what I think about it. Extroverts, on the other hand, are good at paying attention to many things at the same time.

Working Independently

In Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can't Stop Talking, Susan Cain opened the chapter "When Collaboration Kills Creativity" with the story of Stephen Wozniak of Apple Computer. Although he spent hours each day in a cubicle, he was at his most energized and creative working alone early in the morning or after hours. I can relate. I get to work by 7 a.m. every day and treasure that first hour when there aren't many people around. I also have trouble making myself stop at the end of the day because I am so focused on what I'm doing.

While most of us do not have the creativity to invent a computer, introverts use their creative thinking and problem solving abilities most productively and contentedly if they can work alone, quietly. We enjoy working on complex problems and are good at work that requires attention to detail. But that kind of work also requires concentration which explains why we dislike distractions and interruptions so much. Our minds are energized while in deep thought so we prefer staying in our cubicles or offices to socializing.

Introverts also work well with little supervision. In my career, I have been the happiest when I have a boss who lets me work independently, behind the scenes, entrusting me with responsibilities that require a focused mind. I become miserably unhappy if I have a boss who micromanages me or does not give me enough space.

I am not opposed to collaborating with colleagues but it really depends on how it is done. On a current project, a colleague set up multiple meetings with me and another employee to slowly walk through a project requirements document he was responsible for drafting. This approach probably works for him because he thinks while talking. I find this collaborative approach really annoying because I can contribute much more while working alone.

Work Space Quality

Cain wrote about an interesting experiment called the Coding War Games, which was conducted to identify the characteristics of the best and worst programmers. "Top performers overwhelmingly worked for companies that gave their workers the most privacy, personal space, control over their physical environment, and freedom from interruption." The study showed that the quality of work space impacted worker productivity.

Cain also wrote about the trend towards open office plans, "in which no one has a room of his or her own, the only walls are the ones holding up the building, and senior executives operate from the center of the boundary-less floor along with everyone else." She said that the amount of space per employee has been shrinking and was about 200 square feet in 2010. Considering where I work, I thought that figure was high. Apparently, the office space allocated to conference rooms, lunch rooms, and other office areas is counted in the per employee average; work space cubicles are generally only 60 to 110 square feet per person.

My company planned at one time to redesign offices around the country to a more open layout but fortunately those plans were aborted after being implemented in one location. I breathed a huge sigh of relief because our current office space environment is challenging enough as it is. Here are my thoughts on the challenges of being an introverted cubicle dweller:

1. Space limitations. Innies have a greater need for personal space than extroverts, both physically and mentally. In my office, the cubes are only about 50-60 square feet per person, which is a little too cozy to me. It is much less distracting to be in a bigger bubble.
2. Visual distractions. I hate that "fish bowl" feeling that everyone is looking at me. I also don't like being distracted by seeing other people walk by all day. Cubicle walls should be high enough to prevent employees from seeing outside activity while seated. Ideally, there should be a privacy wall facing traffic areas.
3. Auditory distractions. This is my greatest challenge. It is really distracting to have noisy neighbors in an office. The extroverted woman who sits on the other side of my wall speaks loudly. When she speaks on the phone she gets even louder, especially when she asserts her opinions. It is hard for me to concentrate when she is talking and hard to hear when I am on conference calls at the same time. Working in close proximity to others also makes you privy to personal phone calls and conversations that are distracting.
4. Olfactory distractions. Recently an email was sent to the women in my area of the office to remind us that some people are sensitive to the smell of strong cologne. I wasn't the one who complained about the smell but I could have been. If I am within three or four feet of a person wearing too much perfume, my throat gets irritated. Many introverts are more sensitive to smells and sounds.

Admittedly, even extroverts are challenged by the space limitations and sensory distractions of the typical office. I enjoyed watching The Office but I don't know how anyone could get anything done if they worked in that kind of atmosphere.

De-stressing

In 10 Ways Introverts Interact Differently With The World, Alena Hall notes "an introvert is most obvious and vulnerable when he or she is in an over-stimulating environment." There is science behind our differences. The introverted brain is more sensitive to the neurotransmitter dopamine so introverts become over-stimulated and drained if they have too much of it. 

In Quiet, Cain wrote about Professor Little, an introvert who was such an effective public speaker that he was often invited to lecture. Afterwards, he needed to recharge so he would either go for a solitary stroll or hide inside a stall in the restroom! He called "the place you go when you want to return to your true self" a restorative niche. For me, my home is my charging station. I am fortunate to live close to my office so I am able to go home for lunch everyday. The break isn't long enough for me to completely unwind but is enough time for me to recharge my batteries so I can get through the second half of the day without feeling as stressed.

Dr. Laney says that in her experience, there are four aspects of the workplace that are stressful for introverts: deadlines, interruptions, difficulty in remembering names and faces, and feeling overwhelmed at work. For me the two big issues are interruptions and feeling overwhelmed.

I'm usually not worried about meeting deadlines because I plan out my work adequately. However, a couple of months ago I was given the kind of sudden deadline that I think of as a fire drill. I was tasked with doing something I had never done before with no training or documentation. The project had to be completed that day so I stayed late a few hours to get it done. I remember how overwhelmed and frustrated I felt. At times, I would stop and say to myself, I can't think! My brain felt fuzzy and incapable of performing its normal, thorough, thoughtful processes. And I made mistakes, which added to my stress level.

The past few months, I have struggled with feeling overwhelmed by all the changes in my job and I have not learned to calm myself effectively. When I feel overwhelmed, I just want to escape, to quit. Dr. Laney says that "feeling overwhelmed is part of being introverted." Don't beat yourself up about it. "Remember, it means that you take in lots of information and that your brain is very active."

********

Obviously, not all introverts work in a corporate office like I do. I would love to hear about the challenges that other introverts face at work. What are your coping strategies?

Why Employees Leave

This month is the 30th anniversary of my career as an accountant. When I searched for self-study CPA continuing professional education courses to take this year, I was drawn to one that has nothing to do with accounting, based on a book by Leigh Branham, The 7 Hidden Reasons Employees Leave. This topic intrigued me because over the years I have left a half dozen jobs for various reasons, often wishing that things would get better so I could stay. 

The author of the course gathered information about why employees voluntarily leave a company from a "Decision to Leave" survey on his "Keeping the People" website and from research from the Saratoga Institute. The Institute estimated that the cost of losing the average employee is equivalent to one times the annual salary. Others say the true cost depends on who you lose - entry level versus mid-level or highly specialized. There is also the hidden cost of employees becoming disengaged long before they leave; unhappy employees are not fully committed to the interests of the company. 

Recently in one of my company's quarterly "town hall" meetings, an employee anonymously asked a question about the high employee turnover we've experienced since the company laid off workers this spring. The senior executive leading the meeting responded with a "see no evil" kind of answer. He told us to look back at a slide he had presented earlier about the new people we've hired. Speaking for myself, I would have liked him to acknowledge that those of us who are left are feeling the pain of losing valued coworkers and we long to feel like valued assets again.

Sadly, management is often in denial about employee turnover and its costs because they don't want to know that their decisions are causing people to leave. Many executives and senior managers do not care why employees leave the company; they see it as an acceptable cost of doing business. The consequences of denial and indifference are not as dire when the economy is bad. Employees tend to stay put even if they're dissatisfied. But when the tide turns and the number of jobs increases, employees will leave and the company will have to fight to retain and attract talent.

The Decision to Leave

As I know personally, when people leave a job they often give superficial reasons - higher pay or a "better opportunity." But in reality, outside factors or "pull" reasons only account for about 10-20% of employee turnover. Surveys show that most people leave due to internal or "push" factors like dissatisfaction with the job, the manager, the culture or the work environment. Lack of trust in senior leaders is the number one reason employees leave. The decision to leave is usually not sudden but builds over time. The employee may try to change things for the better, then look for another job passively, then finally actively seek other employment. 

The author of the course also noted that there is usually a triggering or shocking event that pushes an employee to make the final decision to leave. Triggers include being passed over for a promotion, getting a new boss, finding out you make less money than another person doing the same job, a conflict with a coworker, or having to make unreasonable personal sacrifices. In my company, layoffs and the restructuring of our financial services department were triggers that resulted in changes in responsibilities, job titles, managers, and workloads. There have been plenty of reasons for employees to seek other employment. Thankfully, many have stayed.  

Seven Reasons Employees Leave

The author sifted through sixty-seven different reasons employees gave for leaving their jobs and boiled them down to seven reasons. 

1. The job or workplace is not what the employee expected. This reason is probably more common among new hires because their expectations of the job were not realistic. Employers can reduce this kind of turnover by presenting a realistic job preview when hiring, by doing more hiring from within and using more employee referrals. Employers can also make job descriptions more realistic, i.e. only listing the most critical competencies and not a long list of wishes. Yes, it might seem ideal to find candidates experienced in using XYZ software, but many skills are transferable.

With several years of investment accounting experience, I was hired by an insurance company as an investment accountant. But after only five or six months, the company decided to outsource the investment accounting function. Obviously, I did not expect this. I transferred within the company to a regulatory accounting position working with an experienced colleague. She kept the more challenging work for herself and gave me work that was menial. I was not only under-challenged but felt demeaned. I left the company after less than a year for another investment accounting position that offered less money.

2. There is a mismatch between the job and the employee. Because we have a fundamental need to exercise competence and master new skills, employees become dissatisfied when a job does not use their strengths. The best employers are the best "matchmakers."

The best employers do not hold these erroneous beliefs:

• Employees are interchangeable parts that can be moved from one slot to another. The truth is, people are hard-wired for certain kinds of work.
• Skills and knowledge are more important than talent. For long-term success, natural talent is more important than knowledge, though it is harder to identify.
• With the right training and right attitude, people can learn to do well in almost any job. The truth is, although people can perform many activities adequately, they will only excel if a job matches their "motivated abilities." Motivated abilities are the kinds of activities to which we are naturally drawn. 

Sometimes companies make the mistake of promoting a person to a manager role who is not cut out to manage people. Or they make the mistake of thinking an employee's weaknesses can be eliminated by coaching and training when it would be better to just admit that the person is not a good fit and put them in a role that uses their strengths.

3. The employee does not receive enough coaching or feedback. There are a lot of reasons that managers do not give enough coaching or feedback. They may not have enough time. They may fear confrontation. They may not be close enough to what is going on. Many managers are not objective. They may be influenced by company politics or play favorites. The fact that many managers do not address non-performance issues causes morale to suffer for the employees who do perform. Some managers set employees up to fail. They put an employee on a short leash and micromanage. 

The author reiterated a point from the job/employee mismatch section that evidently must happen too often. Highly talented employees may seek to advance their careers by becoming a manager, a position that may not fit their talents or interests. Companies should not penalize top technical performers by forcing them to pursue management positions as the only way to make more money.

4. The employee feels devalued and/or unrecognized.  There are a lot of employee complaints in this area. The employee may not feel appreciated. They may not get the recognition they deserve. They may feel devalued because the employer does not listen to their concerns. They may feel devalued because the employer treats them like a child. The employer may not be providing them with the right tools to do their job. The employer may be underpaying them for the work they do.

My first job after public accounting was a unique one, as the personal accountant for a millionaire. Although he was very generous when it was time to hand out annual bonuses, on a day-to-day basis, he was difficult and demanding. He intimidated everyone. The straw that broke this camel's back was when he berated me in front of another employee. My offense was bringing him bad news from a money manager. On my way back to my desk, the employee who witnessed my verbal lashing said to me, "you learn something new every day." That employee worshiped the ground our CEO walked on. I learned that no one is going to treat me like that, regardless of how well I am paid to take the abuse.

I had another job reporting to an executive manager who operated on the opposite end of the kindness/control spectrum. He wanted everyone to like him. He was afraid of giving honest feedback and feared confrontation so he did not address employee performance issues. He was so bent on treating everyone equally, regardless of his or her contributions, that I did not feel recognized for my high performance. The trigger that finally got me out the door, so unhappy that I left without even lining up another job, was when he showed favoritism to an under performing coworker.

5. There aren't enough opportunities for growth and advancement. Career paths are not as defined as they used to be. The relationship between employer and employee has changed; today the relationship is based on meeting mutual needs. There is no longer an expectation of loyalty. Employees now have to play a bigger role in managing their own careers. Employers can help by providing the right tools. Companies that want to retain good employees should implement a fair and efficient internal job posting process and prevent managers from blocking employees who want to move to another position in the company. Good companies are committed to employee training even if it makes an employee more marketable.

Sometimes you leave a job for more than one reason. I left my job with the millionaire primarily because I didn't like his harsh and condescending management style, but also because I recognized that there weren't any opportunities for growth there. It was a dead end job. I had been doing the same thing for eight years and though it was enjoyable, I wanted the opportunity to learn something new.

6. The employee may be stressed from overwork or may desire a better work-life balance. Employees often feel like they are being asked to sacrifice their personal or family lives for the job. The company may have inflexible hours. The employer may be trying so hard to increase productivity that they sacrifice customer service. Leaders are often out of touch with employees.

The author lumped some reasons for leaving here that I think should have been in a separate category: there are some company cultures that are just plain toxic or neurotic. Employees are seen as costs or resources, not as assets. The employer attempts to control employees and may treat them as if they cannot be trusted. Other employers engage in or tolerate unethical behavior. Management may constantly change direction, driven by management fads and not being committed to a consistent long-term strategy.

7. The employee has lost trust and confidence in senior leaders.  Employees find many issues troubling in senior leaders. There is a lack of trust in their integrity, perhaps due in part to the kind of financial shenanigans that make headlines. Company leaders are often seen as isolated and out of touch or as unapproachable. They may be motivated by greed and self-interest. They demonstrate a lack of trust in and respect for workers. They mismanage change. They communicate poorly. To gain employee trust, a company must have competent leaders that inspire confidence.

Root Cause: Employee Needs are Not Being Met

While employers often think that employees are leaving for more money, the greatest influences on employee happiness and retention are intangible. The way management treats employees is even more important than money. The common theme when employees leave is employee needs are not being met. There are four basic needs that have nothing to do with compensation.

1. Trust. We need honesty, open communication, to be treated fairly and to know that management will keep its promises.
2. Hope. We need something to look forward to - the ability to grow, develop our skills and to advance within the company.
3. A sense of competency. We need a job that is matched to our talents and skills.
4. Feeling worthy and respected. We need to know that if we do our best and contribute to the company that we will be recognized, rewarded, treated with respect and valued as an asset of the company.

Leaving the Manager and Not the Company

This was not listed as one of the seven reasons employees leave, but I think it is a biggie: quite often, people leave managers, not companies. In the past thirty years, I left three jobs because I was unhappy with my manager. As I noted previously, one manager was too hard; one was too soft. Another had just the right level of empathy but lacked competency - what I call an empty suit.

An article by Giovanna Acosta lists three reasons employees leave their managers.

1. They don't communicate goals (or expectations).
2. They don't make a personal connection.
3. They allow for a negative company culture.

I have experienced the negative company culture that results when leaders don't lead. I have also experienced the lack of a personal connection and the feeling of being disconnected from the entire company when I had a manager who did not make the time to talk to me frequently. He was located in another office and frequently canceled our scheduled one-on-one phone meetings. I ended up reaching out to another manager to be included in her team meetings so I wouldn't feel so isolated and disconnected.

The Grass Isn't Always Greener On the Other Side

In my thirty year career, I have learned that the grass is not always greener somewhere else. As someone once said to me, when you change jobs, you trade issues. I traded a job I enjoyed under a difficult manager for an unchallenging job with a nice but passive manager. I traded that job for another job that was much more interesting, but again, I had a passive manager who was afraid to manage. Having said that, I don't regret leaving any of my jobs, even when the jobs I went to were not what I hoped for or what I expected. Every job and every challenge has taught me something about myself and about what I need to succeed. But whatever the issue is at your company, if you are feeling more and more disengaged, it is time to get out.

This Too Shall Pass

There are a lot of things about my current job that I like. The pay and the benefits are good. My work hours are flexible. The location is ideal and when I need to, I can work from home. I like the fact that the company has a career path for experienced people like me who do not want to manage people. I've gotten to do a variety of things in seven years and I really like the people I work with.

I also have ample reasons to want to leave my current job. I have been on an emotional roller coaster for the last couple of years with the uncertainty of looming layoffs and the sadness of losing valued colleagues. I have no sense of stability or certainty about my future with the company. I have lost confidence and trust in senior leaders. I understand the financial reasons for the layoffs, outsourcing and offshoring. But to me, talented, experienced employees are not dispensable. We have lost valuable institutional experience and knowledge that we will never get back. Ultimately, it reduces the quality of our work and hurts our customers.

Having survived the layoffs so far, we continue to shuffle work around. I have been asked to make a list of my job tasks so many times that I feel devalued, like I am an interchangeable part. I have been told that I will be doing something new, then a few weeks later, it changes. I have been stressed from having more work put on my plate, sometimes at the last minute, while managers continue to postpone approving the transitioning of certain of my tasks to other people. I'm still trying to adjust to my new manager - my fourth in seven years. I'm hopeful that she will be a good matchmaker and assign me the kind of work that matches my talents while not trying to force me into managing people.

It helps to know that my coworkers are in the same boat. My coworker, Angela, recently posted a picture on Facebook that said, "Tough times don't last. Tough people do." The hope that things will get better is one reason I have persevered in my job as long as I have. My colleagues make me feel valued even if senior management sees me as nothing but an FTE. I am thankful that so many of my coworkers have chosen to stay through the tough times, though I know that they have a few good reasons to leave. I also count my blessings and thank God for my job because I know how hard it can be to find one.

Tough times don't last. Tough people do.