Here's Johnny! A Celebrity Introvert

Recently I watched the PBS documentary, Johnny Carson: King of Late Night. Johnny once told a Tonight Show guest that he was an introvert. She asked why he thought he had an introverted personality. His response: "I ordered it from Omaha." To me, this was a perfect answer to a silly question. It may be hard to believe that public figures can be introverts, but it is true. On camera, Johnny was one way - quick, loose and funny. Behind the scenes he was a loner - private and aloof, a hard man to get to know.

During his nightly monologues, Johnny was the center of attention - a place that is often very difficult for introverts. You could see signs of introversion in his body language; at times he looked stiff and uncomfortable. But he also had the self-confidence that came from practicing his craft. As a child, he learned magic tricks as a way of getting social approval. On The Tonight Show, he turned on the extroverted charm long enough to perform in front of an audience five days a week. Yet because he was an introvert, he needed to retreat to his private sanctuary to recharge his batteries. 

After watching this documentary about a famous introvert with very different public and private faces, I found myself reflecting on a couple of questions. Just how changeable is introverted behavior? And if you can change introverted behavior, should you? 

Although people tend to think of introversion and extroversion as polar opposites, the personality types are better described as degrees on a continuum. The image below, from the LonerWolf introvert or extrovert test, depicts the different degrees of intro- and extroversion. Another website, Celebrity Types.com, has a Myers-Briggs type personality quiz where you can see the names of famous people who share your personality type, for example ISTJs (my type).

Image from Lonerwolf.com

Scientific research suggests that we're born with a particular personality type, but I think we can change our innate behaviors, at least temporarily. I think of it as adjusting a volume control, like the output volume on my computer. Introverts, especially those of us on the far side of the spectrum, have to try really hard to silence the inner voice that urges caution in social situations. We may feel like we have to adjust our natural social behavior because the American culture values and rewards extroversion over introversion. If we want to succeed in school or at work or to fit in with a group of extroverts, we have to pretend to be extroverted. We have to make ourselves uncomfortable.

The ability to appear extroverted when you are not is known as "passing" or being a "closet introvert." Some people are adept at appearing to be one way or the other around different groups of people. Recently I found out that one of my sisters considers herself introverted. I always thought of her as one of the most extroverted people in our family. She is bubbly and quick-witted and seems to make friends easily. Yet she says she is not comfortable around people she doesn't know. I have also read that you can be both introverted and extroverted, particularly if you are creative. 

There is something about being on stage, in a role of actor or musician (and maybe public speaker?), that shifts the experience of introversion

Even though it is possible to hide introversion or temporarily act like an extrovert, I think introverts should learn to appreciate our strengths and do what we need to do to conserve our energy. The world is a better place because some of us are introverted. We concentrate, we're cautious, we're creative, we're persistent. There are neurological reasons behind our behavioral differences, our responses to dopamine and serotonin, for example. Introverts avoid being over-stimulated by our environments because we have so much going on internally already. We're wired for deep thought.

Although introverts don't respond to social interaction in the same way that extroverts do, we still desire to connect with people. Angelina Chapin, an introvert, wrote a blog post about the surprisingly best way to tell whether you are an introvert or extrovert: do you save your energy for meaningful conversations or do you find small talk stimulating? Regardless of what your personal preferences are, "keep in mind each is probably making the best choice about using or conserving his or her energy to form actual connections."

I think Johnny Carson understood this as well as anyone. He accepted his introversion but didn't let it keep him from interacting with people on his terms. With practice, he learned to be comfortable in front of a crowd because he wanted to connect with people and share his gift for comedy. He didn't just talk, he listened.

Pride: Competing for Self Esteem

I don't think of myself as an overly proud person but CS Lewis wrote something about pride in Mere Christianity that struck close to home. He said that we loathe pride when we see it in someone else but we often fail to recognize it in ourselves. He said that "the great sin" of pride, one of the seven deadly sins, is essentially competitive. If we're proud, we don't just want to be rich, we want to be richer than others. We don't just want to be good looking, we want to be better looking than others. 

Generally speaking, pride is defined as conceit or an excessively high opinion of yourself. Pride also describes other types of feelings that aren't necessarily bad.

Merriam-Webster definition of pride: 1) a feeling that you respect yourself and deserve to be respected by other people, 2) a feeling that you are more important or better than other people, or 3) a feeling of happiness that you get when you or someone you know does something good, difficult, etc. 

It is healthy to respect yourself and to expect to be respected by other people. Feeling good about accomplishments is not a bad thing either, though excessive boasting turns people off. The kind of pride people find offensive is the attitude that you are better than other people. I don't think that I am more important or better than other people, however my desire to be respected and accepted by other people causes unnecessary struggles to preserve my self esteem. Yet I spent too many years thinking I wasn't good enough not to fight perceived threats to my feelings of self-worth.

Lewis said that if you want to find out how proud you are, ask yourself, "How much do I dislike it when other people  snub me, or refuse to take any notice of me, or shove their oar in, or patronize me, or show off?" I have to admit that I dislike these things a lot. There have been times in my life, especially in relationships with women, when I have been on the receiving end of snobbery - being snubbed, treated like I'm invisible. It wounds your pride. It makes you question whether there is something wrong with you or whether you did something wrong.  And you get upset, because you know there isn't and you didn't.

In Signature Sins, Michael Mangis makes the distinction between outward and inward pride. Outward pride is shown by being vain, arrogant, haughty, condescending or indifferent to the desires of other people.  Signs of inward pride are perfectionism or being obsessed with what other people think about you.

The key to overcoming pride of the outward kind is to develop humility. What if you already have humility but find yourself caring too much about what other people think about you? What if you find yourself competing to keep your self-esteem intact against an opponent who wants to bring you down?

1. Make a list of everything you value about yourself and look at it when you find your self-esteem being threatened. 
2. Don't take being snubbed personally. Although the arrogant or snobbish behavior may be directed at you, it doesn't mean there is something wrong with you. The snob may feel insecure. Disrespecting you is an attempt to prove their superiority.
3. Don't spend unnecessary time with people like this. It's toxic to your sense of self-worth.
4. When you do have to be around people who think they are better than you, be friendly. Be overly gracious. That's taking the high road.
5. Remember that God loves you for who you are. No one can take that away from you. You are fearfully and wonderfully made.